Boo!

Took this photo at a house I pass on my daily walks and runs. They actually have lots of cool halloween stuff in their yard and around their house, but I couldn't get a good photo of it all. Everything was just a bit too spread out to capture with a photo, and it was late afternoon when I took this, so the light was getting kind of shadowy.

I'm about to head to Asheville for the w-e to see the leaves and enjoy the house one last time before starting chemo again next week. I'll see Dr Long on Monday so that we can discuss politics (he's for Obama too), and he can listen to my heart and lungs before I head into the hospital on Tuesday morning for chemo again. I feel lucky to be able to see the mountain leaves at or near their peak before I have to go in again.

I had a really nice run this morning. It is brisk but beautiful here as the yellow trees catch the morning, autumn light. We had a light frost last night too, but it has already warmed up to 50 degrees, with a clear blue sky. A nice day to drive and see the leaves along the way.

My sister Becky sent me the cutest picture this morning of her dogs all curled up on the sofa in her new house. If I knew how to transfer the photo pix from my cellphone to my computer, I'd share it with you. Maybe Marty or Sandy can inform me on how to do that.

Not sure if I'll write this w-e or not, but I'll take my computer just in case. It makes my Mom nervous when I don't write in the blog. Thanks for loving me that much.

Stigmata

I noticed a few days ago that I have a wide ridge midway up the nailbeds of both thumbs. I'd always heard that palm readers can "see" alot about you from your fingernails. You know traumas and events. I doubt that they can pinpoint anything specific, but I get the gist of recognizing that something big has happened in the near past. I realized that my ridges are a marker of the beginning of my treatment and that first long chemo hospitalization. Now that my nails have grown out some, the ridges are quite noticeable. But then, my head is still mostly scalp with thin wisps of grey and brown hair, some curly. It's not like you can't tell what is going on when someone has cancer.

Just as I have my running and rowing to keep me feeling as normal as possible during all of this, some people choose other things entirely. The other day there was this young girl in the chair next to me in clinic. She couldn't have been older than 24. I couldn't help but overhear her conversations with her mom who was with her, her husband who called her on her cellphone, and the provider who saw her after me. I don't know which disease she has, probably leukemia, but she is in the bone marrow transplant process with her sister as her donor. She and her mother were asking the provider where she could go to buy some more shoes. She doesn't live locally; they are only staying here so that she can be treated at Duke. Apparently shoes are a big deal to her, and she stores them in her closet in their original boxes. Now that it is cold here, she doesn't have the right shoes. The shoes she had on that day were very fancy, chic shoes with a high, narrow heel and pointy toes. The girl is into fashion, especially with her shoes. I couldn't actually see much of her because of the curtain separating our recliners (I wonder how she feels about Duke blue???) but I did notice that she had very full, long blonde-brown hair. That day I thought it was her real hair, but I've seen her since and realized that it is a wig. Many women with cancer wear wigs. And this girl who is into fashionable shoes probably doesn't even let her husband see her bald. It's fascinating to me what each one of us has to do to feel "normal" while going through cancer treatment. There is so little of it you can control. Again as Susan says, it's not on my time. But we control what we can and do what makes us feel better. I'm not into wigs, but it's obvious they are crucial to some women. I'm not saying the girl is more vain than I am either. I have my issues too-like the way this latest chemo has dried me out and added new wrinkles to my face. I am using lots more Oil of Olay than I ever did before. But I don't need a wig to feel people are seeing me the way I want them to. I did get pretty upset last time when my hair came in completely grey after the breast cancer treatment. But it gradually changed back to my original color, more or less. This time I don't care as much about my hair color. I'm over that one. I'm fixated on all these new wrinkles.

I'm meeting Holly for lunch, and I put on a little mascara to the few eyelashes I have. She'll be surprised.

That Chemo Stuff Again

Glad I ran into my PA in the clinic yesterday so that she could get me on the books for the hospital next week. It's sad when your main preoccupation is getting your next chemo round scheduled. But the November calendar is full of stuff like Holly's meeting in San Antonio in the middle of the month and Thanksgiving at the end of the month. I just didn't want to be in the hospital during either of those two times. And like my doctor said, each round has beaten me up worse and worse. The first one was definitely the worst of all since it was a continuous infusion for 7 days. That one was mean and nasty. And I sure suffered some mean and nasty side effects from it. This latest stuff is easier to tolerate by far but the fatigue, muscle weakness, and stomach effects seem worse with each batch. At least the next one is the last one. I feel fortunate to have gotten the counts up in time to go back again after 4 weeks. If all goes as planned, I'll be watching the election results from my hospital bed while getting my 2nd dose of chemo for the day (I voted early, last Friday).

I removed the big bandage from the bone marrow biopsy I had yesterday. As always, bruised, a little sore, and one more needle mark along my sacrum for the next guy to aim for. Fabulous. At least they got it over with. They gave me half an Ativan to take prior to the procedure, but I don't think that kicked in until later when it made me drowsy. I know the lidocaine they use to numb up the skin and bone helps, but it still hurts once that needle gets through the bone to the underside where the marrow is. And when they pull back to suck in fluid, spicules, and solid stuff, well the pain goes all the way down my leg. It's temporary, but it hurts. Enough about that.

I went out to the mailbox last evening, and my neighbor was walking his dog while pushing his baby in a stroller. He shouted to me about how cold my head must be. I assured him that it was. He turned around, pushed the stroller back toward our house and gave me his Army-issue fleece cap . I tried to get him to keep it, but he insisted, saying the Army would give him another one. I was very touched by his generosity and kindness. He shaves his hair quite short, so he knows how cold that is in the wind. But his is by choice (?occupation? too as he is in the Army). I am constantly amazed at the generosity of people and their kindness toward me with this disease. One neighbor who lives down the street stopped his car to tell me that he noticed I was getting some hair, and it looked good. People are so kind and comforting.

I went to Ayrmount, the historic house and grounds in Hillsborough, to do my workout this morning. The trail is great-1 mile or so which goes around the edge of the property & along the Eno river. Very nice out there this time of year with the leaves changing.
Photo: the other side of the Happy Cat in Love mug

On the Rebound

My counts are finally on their way up. My white blood cell count is already up to 1.4 and my platelets are 41,000 today. My hemoglobin is up too at 9.7. Oh what a relief to finally be turning those numbers around and be on the mend. I saw Tanya the PA who works directly with my doctor, and she is arranging my next chemo round in the hospital for Nov 4th (election day). Today they are going to repeat my bone marrow biopsy (ouch) and then let me go until I see my doctor here in the clinic next Monday. They always like to see me in the office before I go into the hospital for chemo. It gives my doctor a chance to see how I am doing and , if necessary, alert the hospital team to anything special they need to worry about.

Now that my counts are on the rebound, this mouthsore should heal right up. It is a little better today than yesterday, but I'll keep using my magic mouthwash until it's completely healed.

Down to 36 degrees last night. I did a row and push-ups this morning before my clinic appt. Next week we'll have more daylight in the morning, but less at night after the time change on Sunday. It will be nice to have the early morning light, but I'll really miss the light after 6pm.

Photo- I bought Holly this mug for her birthday. It says "Happy Cat in Love."

Addendum: They just finished my bone marrow biopsy (11:15am). This is my 5th biopsy. It went fine. They used lidocaine to numb up the rump area and the painful part was quick fortunately. Now I won't have to be back in clinic until next Monday when I see my doctor. How nice is that!

I've Had Enough of this Mouthsore

Let me start out by apologizing to those of you who read this daily. As you may have noticed by now, I rarely write on the w-e's anymore, even if I am seen in the clinic. Somedays are so routine that I am not sure what I have to contribute here. I don't want my writing to feel like a burden, something I have to do. I want it to be fun and informative. Somedays I don't have much to say, so I may write later in the day or save it for the next day. It doesn't mean anything is wrong or that anything bad has happened. I'm just stumped for words.

Today is my 6th day with this painful mouthsore on the back of my tongue. It's a side effect from the chemo and having low counts. I briefly had one last chemo cycle too, but it healed within a day or two and never affected my eating. This one is located way in the back of my mouth, on the outer edge of my tongue and rubs against my back molars, especially when I eat. My counts have stayed low this cycle for longer than any previous cycle so my mouthsore hasn't been able to heal. They gave me some magic mouthwash to help it along and lidocaine jelly to numb it. I have been taking tylenol too, which at least dulls the pain. Saturday it was at its worst, and we came back from Asheville early so that I could take some prescription pain medicine I have here in Hillsborough. I wouldn't be surprised if I had similar rough spots in my intestines too, since my stomach has been a bit iffy too. You can get these sores anywhere along the mucous lining of the GI tract (mouth to rectum), and it's called mucositis. I am looking forward to the rebound of my counts, especially my white blood cells, because they help heal the mucous membranes. I have continued to eat despite the pain of this thing, but I am ready for a break already.

I did go to clinic yesterday and spent about 5 and 1/2 hours there. My hemoglobin came back low again at 7.6 so they gave me 2 units of red blood cells, which took a while. My white cell count is still in the basement at 0.3, and my platelets were 16,000. Between the low counts and this mouthsore, I have been extra tired the past few days. I have been laying around more than usual, though we did take a nice walk up the hill behind our house in Asheville. I just didn't have the strength or desire to run it. This 3rd cycle of chemo has definitely taken more out of me. I've been slower to bounce back and because my red cell counts have been low for so much of this cycle, I've been more tired than usual. I'm sure I'll be surging soon.

Today's photo is from the hill behind our house in Asheville. The leaves are starting to change but don't seem to be at peak yet.

Brrrrrh.

Still a little cold out this morning, 36 degrees. We are working towards the first real frost. I haven't had to run early in the morning yet so I haven't had to get used to all this cold darkness first thing in the morning. It has been very nice in the mornings to run once it warms up a bit. My walks through town have been great the last few days. The leaves are beginning to turn and some people have put pumpkins and goblin stuff in their yards. They are having some kind of haunted house tour in Hillsborough late next week too. It's a festive town, hillsborough. Always celebrating something.

Currently waiting on my labs to come back so that they can decide what blood products, if any, I need today. It takes about 40 minutes or so. I'm hoping that the levels will be holding, and I won't need anything. But it might be a bit premature for that. Later in the week, I should be bouncing back.

Not much more to report today. I haven't done much yet other than row and come to the clinic.
Addendum: My labs came back with just a little drop in the numbers so I didn't need any blood or platelets. Also my next lab check is Sunday morning so we are going to head to Aville for part of the w-e.

A Bit of a Chilly Run

It was my day to run instead of row, and the thermometer said 37 degrees this morning when we got up. I waited a bit for the sun to crest the trees in the neighborhood, and supposedly, it had warmed up to 48 degrees. Yeah, right. The sun must have been directly on the temperature probe. It felt cooler than that in my running shorts and ball cap. I guess it's time to make the switch to running tights until further notice. I do much prefer running when it's cold than when it's hot. But my temperature regulation is still all off due to my chemo. I have hot and cold flashes all night and most of the time I am cold in ambient temps when others are perfectly comfortable. Some of that is the lack of hair to insulate my head. But some of it is the chemo messing up the temperature regulation in my brain.

We went to the clinic yesterday for my lab counts. My white cell count is down to 0.3 and my hemoglobin is 9.0. They gave me a bag of platelets since my count was only 14,000. My next appt is Thursday morning. I should bottom out my counts this week and then start rebounding at the end of the week. Each cycle pounds the bone marrow a little more and it requires a bit more time to re-manufacture blood and white cells. So I can't pinpoint the exact day when it will all turn around. I have developed a mouth sore due to the low counts and it's now hard to eat. I am hoping they will give me some magic mouthwash tomorrow; that is a real prescription name of a concoction with lidocaine, mylanta, and other stuff that heals mouth sores.

Hope those beach girls are having good weather in SC.
My garden gnome had a flower for me when I got home from the hospital last time. How sweet.