What You Can Learn from a 12 yr old

Last weekend Holly's nephews Christopher and Thomas visited us from Kansas City. They flew into Charlotte, where Holly met them and drove up to Asheville for the long w-e. I feel pretty confident in saying that I haven't spent that much time with 2 adolescent boys since, well, I was an adolescent myself. And suffice to say that much has changed in that time period (cellphones, computers, and technology in general) while other things are still the same (girls, braces, and pizza). I don't think we were as fun for the boys as they were to us. For example, Thomas taught us how to send and receive text messages (I swear I am not making this up). Amazingly, he displayed a comfort and ease with everything we threw at him while managing to straddle the boy's world of computer games and 1 # jaw breakers. He was completely comfortable kayaking in the river, paddling on the French Broad rapids in a ducky, and hiking with 2 middle aged women. Apparently we have a black widow spider that lives on our hillside which he found while playing outside (who knew?). Christopher treated Holly to a flute concert (both boys brought their instruments to practice dutifully as their mother requested) and was more talkative than when he visited 2 yrs ago. I am not sure we were very helpful regarding his question about how to attract the interest of girls. Still I was a bit amazed by their knowledge-the weed overtaking my garden is called carpetweed, black widow spiders have one of the strongest webs of any spiders, and origami cranes make good thank you notes. They were really a delight to have visit.

Tomorrow Holly and I leave for Folly Beach to spend a week in SC with my family. It is also my birthday-I'll be 47. What a treat to see another birthday even healthy again. I purposely put off my next bone marrow biopsy until AFTER this trip just in case I get bad news. I didn't want anything to interfere with our vacation week. This way, we can behave like anyone else on vacation-carefree and easy.

Our Buddy Jo

Though it's been almost 2 w-e's now, I wanted to post one of the photos from our trip over to see "our buddy Jo." I cannot take credit for the moniker there, however, as that is often the subject line that Susan uses when she sends out email updates on Jo. The photo here is from our visit to see Jo shortly after Susan baked her a big pound cake that we accompanied to her condo. As always, Jo looked happy and at peace, like the remarkable woman she is.

Last weekend, Dennis and John, our friends from DC, were visiting us. They both retired from government service in October and just moved to a new home in Fort Lauderdale. I hadn't seen them in about 4 yrs, so it was good to catch up and reconnect. We were the last stop on a grand one month tour of friends and acquaintances all up and down the Eastern seaboard from Savannah to Maine and back again. They pulled up Friday in their big Texas truck, as I like to call it, loaded with a month's worth of clothes stuffed behind the seats and bikes in the truckbed. One of the highlights while they were here was our trip out to Saxapahaw, a small rural community, really a crossroads, located on the Haw River to hear music. The area has a community park just across from the river where they have free music every Sat night as well as a farmer's market, Hula hoops for sale and use during the music, and of course, bbq (this is NC afterall). My boss had told me about the fun as she went with her husband and 2 young kids some weeks ago. We took our blankets and picnic to find a place among the families with kids and babies and all of the tie dye. There was a lawn facing the stage for enjoying the music (a great bluegrass band) as well as a slip and slide for the kids and a whole hill of people doing the hula hoop thing. I mean women, children and even guys not too scared to look silly, using a wide variety of hula hoops, which if you haven't looked lately have become more upscale with different sizes, bright colors and even come adorned with fancy ribbons. We had a great time just hanging out for a few hours doing the small town thing with music on the lawn. Very fun.

It's getting to be vacation time. Our friends Miriam and Alex are off in the Pacific Northwest visiting a montage of sights from Vancouver to Seattle and the Olympic peninsula. Laurie is off on a big Alaska hiking adventure, and soon we will be off to Folly Beach for a week. I have been busy at work and weighed down a bit by the serious health problems of my patients. Many of them are stressed to the max (and won't have anything like a vacation) since they have lost their jobs in this economy and are barely making it both financially and emotionally. I can help with some with their medical problems, but I don't see any easy solutions for the rest until the job situation gets better for everyone. It makes me feel mighty fortunate to have a good job and even better to have good job skills and a good career that will always reward me, both emotionally and financially. If all you know how to do is to make Gold Toe socks, like so many of my patients, then you are in big trouble.

I don't want to end on a sour note. I feel really fortunate for all that I have, and most especially, for all of the people who add meaning and love to my life.

July 8, 2008

I have promised myself not to dwell on the past, especially all the difficult or bad things that happened last year. Usually I am so busy enjoying my life now that I rarely even take the time to write here anymore. Sometimes it feels silly to broadcast my comings and goings, especially as my weekdays have become dominated by work while my weekends consist of the commuting flow to and from Asheville.

I don't ever forget all of the love and support I received during difficult circumstances. So let me take this opportunity to thank my partner for helping me through the roughest day last yr which was July 8th, 2008. I had finished my 7 days of continuous chemo in June only to develop one infection and then another. My fever hit 104.2F as I was diagnosed with pneumonia. I felt horrible that night and begged Holly to stay with me in the hospital that night. I truly felt it could be my last day as awful as I felt. I barely had a cough or shortness of breath but my body hurt and wrenched from the high fever and chills. But my doctors found a good combination of antibiotics and anti-fungal medicines which cured everything.

And the most amazing thing is that today, a year later, I am cured, feeling wonderful. I did a 4 mile run this morning, enjoying the gorgeous roses blooming all over Hillsborough, followed by push ups, sit ups, and stretches. Before work, I sipped coffee with chocolate sauce and whipped cream (I call that my dessert cup) while I watched the birds at the feeders outside my bedroom window. If you need more than that to be happy, you've never faced serious illness or death. Several times a week I give thanks for all I have, grateful to be here now. Just call me lucky...

Other People's Cancer

I have been reeling a bit recently as we learned that 2 people close to us have cancer. I am just now celebrating my 1 year anniversary in remission, a time of sweet celebration for me. But it is tempered a bit by all of the other emotions that come up with such a major death scare - the hard times in treatment, how things could have turned out differently, and how even something as innocent my monthly blood test is a reminder that despite all my current good health and energy, things could change at the drop of a hat. I don't intend to stay in this mode for long-remembering the bad/scary moments -but I am worried doubly for my pals with their new diagnoses of cancer. I hate that anyone has to go through this too and feel all of the uncertainty, worry, and grief that accompanies cancer. I can only hope that my pals get all the support and love they need to deal with this.

Our friends Rebecca and Sara were with us last weekend in Asheville. We took advantage of the great weather to see the magical display of rhododendron and flame azalea at Roan Mtn. I've included a few of those photos here.

Just a Regular Old Update

I realize that I have been slow in getting back to the blog lately-mostly because I am doing well, and we are very busy. We have been getting back to Asheville most w-e's except when we are headed to the beach with friends, or to Charleston with Holly's Dad, or to Kansas for her niece's wedding. Asheville has finally gotten its share of wet weather after 2 yrs of drought, and our garden is thirstily drinking it up. I have spent a great deal of time recently mowing, mulching, separating and generally tending to all of the plants there. The plants have really spread out, and the garden is all a mish-mash of spent peonies, irises, bee balm, phlox and other varieties. I am still trying to tame all of the weeds that got a head start last year when I wasn't able to play in the dirt due to my cancer treatment. I spent most of Monday getting some order to the bigger area of the hillside, prying out miniature tree stalks, native grape vine gone wild, and just plain old grass. It was quite satisfying to get a bit more order going there, even if there is still much to do.

The garden here in Hillsborough seems so orderly by comparison but that's only because it is young still and hasn't taken off yet. There are more trees along the fence here (on purpose to act as a plant barrier) and fewer perennials, giving it more daylight and mulch between plants. I have just harvested my second crop of romaine lettuce for a dinner we are having tonight with friends. I love being able to say "I grew that." I have also planted broccoli (hope I'll know when it's ready), herbs, tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, and berries.

I have been meaning to relay a story about our latest visit to hear music at the French Broad brewery a few w-e's ago. We had gone to see the Leigh Glass band with some of our pals, who also like bluesy, folksy rock. I was sitting at one of the tables when this guy comes up and offers to buy me a beer. He tells me that Leigh Glass, the woman singer and front musician for the band, wanted to buy me a beer. I deferred telling him that she didn't have to do that but thank you. Then a song or two later she announced that sometimes she googles the band's name to assess the presence and impact of their bookings. She said that one day she came across this blog from someone doing her own healing and wanted to thank me for being there with my pals. She'd been having a bad day, wondering if what she does is worthwhile. It was uplifting for her to see that she IS making a difference. I was very touched by her gesture; she certainly didn't have to acknowledge my struggles in such a kind, encouraging way. Leigh if you're reading this, thank you. And keep on playing-you are making a difference.

What a Difference a Year Makes

June 4th last year was my last day of work before going out for 7 months. I had just gotten my official diagnosis of AML from the hematology-oncology specialist at UNC. On June 4th, I gathered together a circle of my coworkers and announced that I would be leaving to have cancer treatment. At that point, I thought that I would be admitted to UNC for chemo and then a bone marrow transplant. I also thought that I'd be out of work only 3 mos, expecting to return by September. Well there were lots of zigs and zags after that, but, now, a year later, I am back at the Charles Drew Center taking care of others. I am healthy; my cancer is in remission and I didn't have to have a bone marrow transplant with its attendant problems and complications. I cannot do justice to the feelings I've had in the last few days, as I've relived the events of my diagnosis last year-the fear I had then, of the unknown ahead, and the extreme gratitude I feel now for my extra year, jammed pack with fun and the love of friends and family. Every day that I can be of help and significance is a good day.
Every day that I get to run or walk outside, either alone or with others, is a good day.

While we were in Kansas last week, I saw a cool magazine article in the Atlantic Monthly. There is an ongoing study of happiness and life events in a cohort of Harvard men. The researchers have been interviewing the men since college, and they are getting to be elders at this point (both the researchers and the study participants). They have found that the one best predictor of happiness is good relationships-not money or prestige or job success. Just plain old relationships. It's amazing that all the trappings and things and money can't make one happy; yet so many people work so hard for those things. When you wake up one day and hear that you have cancer, you realize that you might not live to a ripe old age. Money and things don't seem very important but relationships do. I think they have it right, those researchers.

Today I feel fortunate and happy to have so many people who made a difference for me in the last year. If you're reading this, thank you.

I keep falling behind on my blogwork as I get more and more into work at the clinic, gardening at both houses, and our full social calendar with friends. It takes a lot of work (and sometimes planning/organization) to juggle two households, two sets of friends, a 3 hour commute back and forth each week, and a job. Lately, we have been doing a lot of additional travel as well, with trips to Charleston, Sunset Beach, with this w-e to Kansas. There are so many comings and goings that I keep getting confused exactly which w-e’s are Asheville ones and which involve travel to another area. It’s a great problem to have, and one that I could only dream about last year during my cancer treatment. I don’t take it all for granted. A few rogue leukemia cells, and I’d be back in my Duke blue chair in the bone marrow clinic getting platelets and blood, only dreaming about going somewhere for pleasure travel.

I have been thinking about travel a lot lately because this week is the 1 yr anniversary (if you want to call it that) of my leukemia diagnosis. While that is not exactly something to celebrate, I am looking forward to June 20th which will be 1 yr in remission from AML. Last year, I was hospitalized from June 13th-20th for 7 days of intensive, continuous chemo. At the end of that treatment, I was in remission. I plan to celebrate June 20th because it commemorates a year of life I wouldn’t have had without all of that tough treatment. I owe an enormous debt of gratitude to many people for helping me through all of that. My pal Peggy, the potter out in California, has been making mugs for me to give as cups of gratitude. I just got a shipment of them, and they are gorgeous. I am hoping that everyone who gets one realizes how much I appreciate their efforts to help me get well. And I hope that they can symbolize for me, and for them, how precious life is. Yeah, and here is a beautiful handmade piece of sky and mountains to remind you (the mugs are porcelain with a beautiful blue and green glaze that looks to me like the sky and mtns).

Today's photos are from our hike last week in the Max Patch area of the Appalachian Trail-our Ansel Adams, and cucumber vine.