Boo!

Took this photo at a house I pass on my daily walks and runs. They actually have lots of cool halloween stuff in their yard and around their house, but I couldn't get a good photo of it all. Everything was just a bit too spread out to capture with a photo, and it was late afternoon when I took this, so the light was getting kind of shadowy.

I'm about to head to Asheville for the w-e to see the leaves and enjoy the house one last time before starting chemo again next week. I'll see Dr Long on Monday so that we can discuss politics (he's for Obama too), and he can listen to my heart and lungs before I head into the hospital on Tuesday morning for chemo again. I feel lucky to be able to see the mountain leaves at or near their peak before I have to go in again.

I had a really nice run this morning. It is brisk but beautiful here as the yellow trees catch the morning, autumn light. We had a light frost last night too, but it has already warmed up to 50 degrees, with a clear blue sky. A nice day to drive and see the leaves along the way.

My sister Becky sent me the cutest picture this morning of her dogs all curled up on the sofa in her new house. If I knew how to transfer the photo pix from my cellphone to my computer, I'd share it with you. Maybe Marty or Sandy can inform me on how to do that.

Not sure if I'll write this w-e or not, but I'll take my computer just in case. It makes my Mom nervous when I don't write in the blog. Thanks for loving me that much.

Stigmata

I noticed a few days ago that I have a wide ridge midway up the nailbeds of both thumbs. I'd always heard that palm readers can "see" alot about you from your fingernails. You know traumas and events. I doubt that they can pinpoint anything specific, but I get the gist of recognizing that something big has happened in the near past. I realized that my ridges are a marker of the beginning of my treatment and that first long chemo hospitalization. Now that my nails have grown out some, the ridges are quite noticeable. But then, my head is still mostly scalp with thin wisps of grey and brown hair, some curly. It's not like you can't tell what is going on when someone has cancer.

Just as I have my running and rowing to keep me feeling as normal as possible during all of this, some people choose other things entirely. The other day there was this young girl in the chair next to me in clinic. She couldn't have been older than 24. I couldn't help but overhear her conversations with her mom who was with her, her husband who called her on her cellphone, and the provider who saw her after me. I don't know which disease she has, probably leukemia, but she is in the bone marrow transplant process with her sister as her donor. She and her mother were asking the provider where she could go to buy some more shoes. She doesn't live locally; they are only staying here so that she can be treated at Duke. Apparently shoes are a big deal to her, and she stores them in her closet in their original boxes. Now that it is cold here, she doesn't have the right shoes. The shoes she had on that day were very fancy, chic shoes with a high, narrow heel and pointy toes. The girl is into fashion, especially with her shoes. I couldn't actually see much of her because of the curtain separating our recliners (I wonder how she feels about Duke blue???) but I did notice that she had very full, long blonde-brown hair. That day I thought it was her real hair, but I've seen her since and realized that it is a wig. Many women with cancer wear wigs. And this girl who is into fashionable shoes probably doesn't even let her husband see her bald. It's fascinating to me what each one of us has to do to feel "normal" while going through cancer treatment. There is so little of it you can control. Again as Susan says, it's not on my time. But we control what we can and do what makes us feel better. I'm not into wigs, but it's obvious they are crucial to some women. I'm not saying the girl is more vain than I am either. I have my issues too-like the way this latest chemo has dried me out and added new wrinkles to my face. I am using lots more Oil of Olay than I ever did before. But I don't need a wig to feel people are seeing me the way I want them to. I did get pretty upset last time when my hair came in completely grey after the breast cancer treatment. But it gradually changed back to my original color, more or less. This time I don't care as much about my hair color. I'm over that one. I'm fixated on all these new wrinkles.

I'm meeting Holly for lunch, and I put on a little mascara to the few eyelashes I have. She'll be surprised.

That Chemo Stuff Again

Glad I ran into my PA in the clinic yesterday so that she could get me on the books for the hospital next week. It's sad when your main preoccupation is getting your next chemo round scheduled. But the November calendar is full of stuff like Holly's meeting in San Antonio in the middle of the month and Thanksgiving at the end of the month. I just didn't want to be in the hospital during either of those two times. And like my doctor said, each round has beaten me up worse and worse. The first one was definitely the worst of all since it was a continuous infusion for 7 days. That one was mean and nasty. And I sure suffered some mean and nasty side effects from it. This latest stuff is easier to tolerate by far but the fatigue, muscle weakness, and stomach effects seem worse with each batch. At least the next one is the last one. I feel fortunate to have gotten the counts up in time to go back again after 4 weeks. If all goes as planned, I'll be watching the election results from my hospital bed while getting my 2nd dose of chemo for the day (I voted early, last Friday).

I removed the big bandage from the bone marrow biopsy I had yesterday. As always, bruised, a little sore, and one more needle mark along my sacrum for the next guy to aim for. Fabulous. At least they got it over with. They gave me half an Ativan to take prior to the procedure, but I don't think that kicked in until later when it made me drowsy. I know the lidocaine they use to numb up the skin and bone helps, but it still hurts once that needle gets through the bone to the underside where the marrow is. And when they pull back to suck in fluid, spicules, and solid stuff, well the pain goes all the way down my leg. It's temporary, but it hurts. Enough about that.

I went out to the mailbox last evening, and my neighbor was walking his dog while pushing his baby in a stroller. He shouted to me about how cold my head must be. I assured him that it was. He turned around, pushed the stroller back toward our house and gave me his Army-issue fleece cap . I tried to get him to keep it, but he insisted, saying the Army would give him another one. I was very touched by his generosity and kindness. He shaves his hair quite short, so he knows how cold that is in the wind. But his is by choice (?occupation? too as he is in the Army). I am constantly amazed at the generosity of people and their kindness toward me with this disease. One neighbor who lives down the street stopped his car to tell me that he noticed I was getting some hair, and it looked good. People are so kind and comforting.

I went to Ayrmount, the historic house and grounds in Hillsborough, to do my workout this morning. The trail is great-1 mile or so which goes around the edge of the property & along the Eno river. Very nice out there this time of year with the leaves changing.
Photo: the other side of the Happy Cat in Love mug

On the Rebound

My counts are finally on their way up. My white blood cell count is already up to 1.4 and my platelets are 41,000 today. My hemoglobin is up too at 9.7. Oh what a relief to finally be turning those numbers around and be on the mend. I saw Tanya the PA who works directly with my doctor, and she is arranging my next chemo round in the hospital for Nov 4th (election day). Today they are going to repeat my bone marrow biopsy (ouch) and then let me go until I see my doctor here in the clinic next Monday. They always like to see me in the office before I go into the hospital for chemo. It gives my doctor a chance to see how I am doing and , if necessary, alert the hospital team to anything special they need to worry about.

Now that my counts are on the rebound, this mouthsore should heal right up. It is a little better today than yesterday, but I'll keep using my magic mouthwash until it's completely healed.

Down to 36 degrees last night. I did a row and push-ups this morning before my clinic appt. Next week we'll have more daylight in the morning, but less at night after the time change on Sunday. It will be nice to have the early morning light, but I'll really miss the light after 6pm.

Photo- I bought Holly this mug for her birthday. It says "Happy Cat in Love."

Addendum: They just finished my bone marrow biopsy (11:15am). This is my 5th biopsy. It went fine. They used lidocaine to numb up the rump area and the painful part was quick fortunately. Now I won't have to be back in clinic until next Monday when I see my doctor. How nice is that!

I've Had Enough of this Mouthsore

Let me start out by apologizing to those of you who read this daily. As you may have noticed by now, I rarely write on the w-e's anymore, even if I am seen in the clinic. Somedays are so routine that I am not sure what I have to contribute here. I don't want my writing to feel like a burden, something I have to do. I want it to be fun and informative. Somedays I don't have much to say, so I may write later in the day or save it for the next day. It doesn't mean anything is wrong or that anything bad has happened. I'm just stumped for words.

Today is my 6th day with this painful mouthsore on the back of my tongue. It's a side effect from the chemo and having low counts. I briefly had one last chemo cycle too, but it healed within a day or two and never affected my eating. This one is located way in the back of my mouth, on the outer edge of my tongue and rubs against my back molars, especially when I eat. My counts have stayed low this cycle for longer than any previous cycle so my mouthsore hasn't been able to heal. They gave me some magic mouthwash to help it along and lidocaine jelly to numb it. I have been taking tylenol too, which at least dulls the pain. Saturday it was at its worst, and we came back from Asheville early so that I could take some prescription pain medicine I have here in Hillsborough. I wouldn't be surprised if I had similar rough spots in my intestines too, since my stomach has been a bit iffy too. You can get these sores anywhere along the mucous lining of the GI tract (mouth to rectum), and it's called mucositis. I am looking forward to the rebound of my counts, especially my white blood cells, because they help heal the mucous membranes. I have continued to eat despite the pain of this thing, but I am ready for a break already.

I did go to clinic yesterday and spent about 5 and 1/2 hours there. My hemoglobin came back low again at 7.6 so they gave me 2 units of red blood cells, which took a while. My white cell count is still in the basement at 0.3, and my platelets were 16,000. Between the low counts and this mouthsore, I have been extra tired the past few days. I have been laying around more than usual, though we did take a nice walk up the hill behind our house in Asheville. I just didn't have the strength or desire to run it. This 3rd cycle of chemo has definitely taken more out of me. I've been slower to bounce back and because my red cell counts have been low for so much of this cycle, I've been more tired than usual. I'm sure I'll be surging soon.

Today's photo is from the hill behind our house in Asheville. The leaves are starting to change but don't seem to be at peak yet.

Brrrrrh.

Still a little cold out this morning, 36 degrees. We are working towards the first real frost. I haven't had to run early in the morning yet so I haven't had to get used to all this cold darkness first thing in the morning. It has been very nice in the mornings to run once it warms up a bit. My walks through town have been great the last few days. The leaves are beginning to turn and some people have put pumpkins and goblin stuff in their yards. They are having some kind of haunted house tour in Hillsborough late next week too. It's a festive town, hillsborough. Always celebrating something.

Currently waiting on my labs to come back so that they can decide what blood products, if any, I need today. It takes about 40 minutes or so. I'm hoping that the levels will be holding, and I won't need anything. But it might be a bit premature for that. Later in the week, I should be bouncing back.

Not much more to report today. I haven't done much yet other than row and come to the clinic.
Addendum: My labs came back with just a little drop in the numbers so I didn't need any blood or platelets. Also my next lab check is Sunday morning so we are going to head to Aville for part of the w-e.

A Bit of a Chilly Run

It was my day to run instead of row, and the thermometer said 37 degrees this morning when we got up. I waited a bit for the sun to crest the trees in the neighborhood, and supposedly, it had warmed up to 48 degrees. Yeah, right. The sun must have been directly on the temperature probe. It felt cooler than that in my running shorts and ball cap. I guess it's time to make the switch to running tights until further notice. I do much prefer running when it's cold than when it's hot. But my temperature regulation is still all off due to my chemo. I have hot and cold flashes all night and most of the time I am cold in ambient temps when others are perfectly comfortable. Some of that is the lack of hair to insulate my head. But some of it is the chemo messing up the temperature regulation in my brain.

We went to the clinic yesterday for my lab counts. My white cell count is down to 0.3 and my hemoglobin is 9.0. They gave me a bag of platelets since my count was only 14,000. My next appt is Thursday morning. I should bottom out my counts this week and then start rebounding at the end of the week. Each cycle pounds the bone marrow a little more and it requires a bit more time to re-manufacture blood and white cells. So I can't pinpoint the exact day when it will all turn around. I have developed a mouth sore due to the low counts and it's now hard to eat. I am hoping they will give me some magic mouthwash tomorrow; that is a real prescription name of a concoction with lidocaine, mylanta, and other stuff that heals mouth sores.

Hope those beach girls are having good weather in SC.
My garden gnome had a flower for me when I got home from the hospital last time. How sweet.

Happy Birthday to Holly

Today is Holly's birthday. She is turning 49, not that she is completely pleased about it. I don't think her family celebrates birthdays as a big deal like we do in my family. I made her cinnamon sweet rolls to have for breakfast in bed and sang happy birthday (we do that too in our family). She opened her presents this morning too. I'd love to take her out to dinner tonight, but my counts are too low to eat out at a restaurant. Instead, she is going to pick up some food from our favorite Thai place.

I am sitting in my Duke blue recliner waiting for my labs to come back to see if I need any blood products today. I am really curious what my hemoglobin is after they gave me those 2 units of whole blood on Sunday (and a unit of platelets). I had such a good run yesterday morning and such a good row this morning that I suspect it will be close to 10.0 or higher. I feel much more energetic than I did last week when I was still quite affected by the chemo and the low hemoglobin level.

They are laying the grass sod for the house across the street from ours. We met the people who are moving in next week when they close on their new house, and they seem very nice. They are living in an apt right now while the builders finish their home. The husband works in Chapel Hill and the wife works in Raleigh. Raleigh, can you imagine driving all the way from Hillsborough to Raleigh everyday? That has got to be a 45 to 60 min drive depending on where she works. Better her than me!

I told Holly that now she has to think about what she wants to do for her 50th birthday. Where does she want to go to celebrate the big 5-0? We only have a year to plan it. I think that after all this chemo and the way it is aging me inside and out, I should get to celebrate 50 before she does. I am way more wrinkley than she is, especially with this most recent chemo which has dried me out all over. I have lots of new wrinkle lines on my face. Never thought I'd care, but I have learned that I am as vain as the next gal. Maybe I should invest in Oil of Olay stock. Warren Buffet says buy, buy, buy.

All Tanked Up

I got to the clinic yesterday expecting a speedy visit even though I knew from the labs done on Saturday that I would need blood and platelets. My numbers were pretty low with a hemoglobin of 7.7, a platelet count of 10,000, and a white cell count of 0.4. Since they had already ordered my blood, they started my transfusion of 2 units as soon as I got there. I was waiting and waiting and waiting on my platelets because the order slip was never transmitted. They didn't realize the mistake until almost 2 pm when I'd already been there 4 hours. So I had to wait for the courier to pick up the bag from the hospital and get it over to me at the clinic. It ended up being a long day at the clinic, almost 6 hours in total. I was miffed but realized that I should just be grateful that I can get blood and platelets regardless of how long it takes. They are lifesavers for me when my counts are so low.

Well since I was all tanked up with blood yesterday, my run this morning was excellent. It was 34 degrees here when we woke up. Needless to say, I waited a bit and ran at 9 o'clock. It was my 1st run in 2 weeks, and it went quite well I thought, 40 minutes. Not too shabby. I have this natural system of avoiding overheating if I accidentally wear too many clothes in that chilly weather. It's called baldness. Yeah and I can remove my gloves and put them back in my pocket too.

Marty and Deb came by yesterday afternoon with an entire meal for us. It was delicious-onion/potato/leek soup, biscuits homemade with King Arthur flour, and a tasty cranberry-apple crisp. Everything was so yummy. Thank you both for all the work on our behalf and especially coming over so that we could all see each other and catch up.

We have the bestest friends!

Happiness Coach

We cooked dinner last night for our friends Jana and Kristen who we had not seen for a while. They were good enough to let me try a new recipe on them-one that my Dad had cooked when he was here. I think he got it out of Bon Appetit or Gourmet magazine, and it consisted of a spicy tomato, wine & onion sauce over fish. I used the sauce on the flounder filets that my stepfather Brian had caught and sent up with my mom. So it was a family meal all around. I like the recipe alot. I love onions, and this calls for lots of onions, wine, garlic & other herbs, diced tomatoes, and anchovy paste. I think the sauce would be good over pasta or as the sauce for mussels or other shellfish. When my Dad made it, there was extra which I used over toasted bread from Weaver St Market, kind of like a bruschetta.

Jana and Kristen had taken a few trips since the last time we had seen them. They just came back from an adventurous trip to France and Spain with Jana's parents. So we got to see their pictures of Paris, Arles, Provence, and Barcelona, among other sites. What a treat to take the photo tour with them.

Kristen's mother is retiring from a high level job with the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio. She is starting her own business as a Happiness Coach. We didn't get many of the details, but I think it is something like a Life Coach. I was very intrigued by the idea and even the name of the job-happiness coach. It really appeals to me. I think it would be very different from being a therapist or psychologist. They have to learn about psychodynamics and delve into people's neuroses. On the other hand, a Happiness Coach could focus on practical skills to enhance optimism, resilience, and joy. We have all met people in our lives who have functioned as happiness coaches, unbeknownst to us. I think if I couldn't be a primary care doctor, I'd try to be a happiness coach. What a meaningful and fulfilling metier that would be. So to Kristen's Mom, I say you go girl!

Speaking of happiness, the builders just installed the playground equipment for our neighborhood green space, which is just behind our house (one of the reasons we picked the house we did). I wanted to be the first to go down the sliding board or climb onto the fort platform. It rained the day they finished putting all of the equipment together. But yesterday I got to climb aboard. Holly took some photos. I even beat all of the neighborhood kids to it. They were having fun on it yesterday afternoon though (we'd moved on to football.)

Falling and Falling

I am in clinic on a early Saturday morning waiting for my counts to come back. The hematology-oncology fellow just saw me and now we are waiting for the labs to see if I need any transfusions. I might need platelets today. I am hopeful that my counts will hit bottom in the middle or end of this week and then start to head up. I want to head to Asheville next w-e so that we can visit friends, be in our house, and see the leaves changing. We haven't been in Asheville now for 3 w-e's which feels like a long time.

Holly and I watched a very good Netflix movie last night. It is called "The Visitor" and was written and directed by the guy who did "the Station Agent." It is about this older professor who goes to his old apt in NYC when he has to present a talk at a conference. He surprises a young couple who have been subletting his apt (illegally unbeknownst to them). The rest of the movie is about the awakening in him as he gets to know them & their plight as illegal immigants. Eventually he helps the young man when he is detained by immigration. It is so well done, marking his empty life as a professor and writer before he meets the couple, and how he changes as he gets to know them and their struggles as illegal immigrants. I wish it had gotten more publicity and played in the theaters longer. It's a very good movie.

We swung by the Hillsborough Farmer's market on our way in to clinic this morning. Holly bought some fresh eggs from one of the farmers, and we picked up some sweet potato sticky buns from one of the other vendors. What a treat!

All I Owe

Yesterday I got not one but three hospital bills in the mail. Two were from UNC hospital when I was briefly in the ER just before getting my leukemia diagnosis (Late May). One of the bills says that I owe nothing, but the other one says that of the roughly $5000 in charges, I owe $110. It's hard to believe that my 6 hour period in the ER cost about $5000. This is the same $110 I paid in September, that somehow they think I still owe them. What a bother. The customer service gal was not very helpful just saying "well I guess we just haven't posted the payment yet." Stellar wouldn't you say. The third bill, from Duke Hospital, was for more than $10,000 and covered my hospitalizations in July and August for pneumonia and chemo respectively. Thankfully, it turns out that one was wrong too. I owe a $250 co-pay for each hospitalization but that's it. It took the customer rep a while to find the mistake, some adjustment that happens between United Healthcare and Duke's billing. Despite knowing that our insurance is good and is covering just about everything that comes up, I fret whenever I get these bills with my name on them for say $10,000, or $22,000, or $40,000 (yep, all have happened). There is something just frightening about seeing your name on the same page with those gargantuan sums and " pay by 11/02/2008." Honestly, I don't know what one would do without health insurance. It strikes me as the one thing, besides a bunch of overpaid guys on Wall St, that can bankrupt you. I feel very, very fortunate today to have good health insurance.

It's trying to decide if it will rain today or not. I hope we get the moisture; the ground here is pretty dry. And our plants could use it. I'll try to get a walk in before the sky opens up. My workout was good this morning-more and more energy, thankfully. My stomach is still a little funny, but it seems to be improving slowly too. One day I might even have this yucky taste out of my mouth. Water tastes funny so I prefer to drink milk or my lemonade/tonic water mix. It's not for everyone but I like it. Must be a parotid gland thing.

Well tomorrow is another clinic day. Today I sit around eating bon bons and painting my toenails. Really, I'm reading a good novel about slavery called "The Known World." It won the Pulitzer prize in 2004, and Holly's colleague sent it to me. Just Excellent!
Today's photo is from Chincoteague-the wild ponies and an egret. Lots of egrets there.

A Day in the Life of the Clinic

When I got to the clinic this morning, they were having some kind of emergency with a patient at one of the plasmapheresis machines. They use the machine to separate bone marrow cells from the blood in people who want to donate stem cells. Or they use the machine to harvest stem cells from someone who can have treatment for their cancer from their own bone marrow cells. Regardless, there was alot of hub-bub over there in the corner recliner with doctors all around directing the nurses to get EKG's and other treatments for the patient. Things like that send the anxiety/stress level through the roof for the staff. Now that they have moved her to a hospital bed and room, she is doing better. The stress is abating and things are starting to run more normally.

I am waiting on my lab results to come back to see if I need any blood or platelets. I have been more tired with this cycle of chemo, but I am starting to feel better now. My row exercise went better than yesterday, which means it will be all up from here. They never gave me blood in the hospital on this last round and that makes a huge difference in my stamina. The hemoglobin level was borderline so they deferred it until later. It is tough to have alot of vim and vigor when you are used to a hemoglobin of 13 but your level is only 8 or 9. Sorry, I am just whining and complaining. As much as I'd love to feel "normal" and zippy, it's a little unrealistic, I know, after chemo, chemo, chemo and, well, more chemo. I can't tell you how happy I will be to start my very last chemo round and know that everyday after will be better than the one before it, stronger and stronger day by day. Not long now!

Some of my pals head to the beach in SC this w-e. They are taking their annual Folly Beach trek for the week. I'll be thinking of you all seeing the surf, the Morris lighthouse, biking, walking in the nature park, and working on all of that knitting that is going so well. Tee hee.

What Happens?

I am still trying to understand what happens after my chemo. Yesterday I was tired and weak in some kind of delayed effect of the treatment from the week before. I tried to go out to run but became short of breath quickly with trembly muscles. I decided to do a walk through town instead. I often have this effect right after I've gotten out of the hospital. It must be some combination of fatigue and low hemoglobin that zaps me of strength. I did a row this morning since I could tell that I still have that fatigue today too, though it doesn't seem to be as bad as yesterday. I had to take a nap in the afternoon yesterday just to recuperate from all I did in the morning. Somehow it helps, but I feel bad about needing it. I want to just bounce back from the hospital and chemo right away. I know in my head that is unrealistic but it doesn't keep me from wanting it.

I am really looking forward to being able to do long runs again. I can only do 3 mile runs at the most, and they just aren't the same. I am also looking forward to having hair on my head again. I am growing some very thin velus hair despite my chemo, but at this point, there is more scalp than hair. It is alot warmer when you have hair on your head. Drafts are especially bad and send a little chill down my neck since my hair isn't there to insulate me. I look forward to traveling again and not worry about being around people with a cold or illness. My immune system is so weak right now that they won't even let me have the flu shot since it wouldn't help. And I have to avoid all those good fresh fruits and vegetables. I miss salad the most. It's yummy to have an onion pizza from Randy's with a big old greek salad full of feta cheese and onions. Ah, one more treatment in a month and then I'll be on the upward slope getting better and better and better. I'll be truly thankful for Thanksgiving and the holidays when all of my chemo is behind me.

Indian Summer

They say it will be 85 or 86 degrees today. Right now it is gorgeous and warm with clear blue skies. I've just finished a walk through town to return some library books and mail my latest Netflix movie. I've gotten on this kick of watching Inspector Lynley mysteries from the BBC/PBS/WGBH channel in Boston. The series started in 2001 and has continued into 2008, so there are plenty of them to watch. Holly doesn't enjoy them as much as I do so I often end up watching them solo. They are entertaining though as the Inspector is a British aristocrat from Cornwall who works with a very no nonsense female sargent.

I see outside that the builder guys are starting to install the playground equipment in the communal lot directly behind our house. As the neighborhood has expanded with new homes, we've had more and more kids riding bikes, playing ball, and walking the loop. Now they will have a real play space to use with slides and swings and such. Hopefully they will get to use it plenty before it gets too cold to play outside much.

Not really alot to report today. I am just trying to recuperate from last week's chemo. I always feel more tired and weak after I get out of the hospital no matter what the blood counts or numbers say. As my doctor predicted, I am getting a little more "beat up" as the treatments pile up. That happened with the breast cancer treatments too. But I try to rest when I need to but push myself each day too. It gets a little old to feel fatigued, but at least I can focus on getting stronger and eating well.

Happy Birthday to the Twins

Today is a very special day as my twin sisters celebrate their birthday. I had to call them early this morning to sing happy birthday because it's a tradition in our family that Mom calls early, early to sing to us on our birthday. However, our Mom is galavanting around Europe on a cruise so she couldn't call. I had to be the stand-in singer, though I'm not sure my happy birthday song is quite as compelling as hers. Hopefully it's the thought that counts. Beth and Becky have been up here twice since my cancer diagnosis helping me get through my treatments. They have driven me to the clinic, cooked for me, cleaned the house, accompanied me to the hospital and lots more. I am so very fortunate to have their support and love. Thank you both and Happy Birthday!

Yesterday was just a really nice low key day for Holly and me. She went for a run in the morning while I took Quig for a nice long walk through Hillsborough. I cooked up a batch of vegetarian chili to eat this week and freeze for later. Holly grilled turkey burgers for dinner, one of my favorites. We spent much of the day reading the newspaper (me) or catching up on computer work (Holly). It was a nice respite from the hospital and the week of chemo.

I am still having some stomach upset from this last round of chemo, but it is a little less than yesterday. Fortunately, once I'm out of the hospital, it seems to dissipate pretty quickly. I'm waiting on my lab results to see if I need blood or platelets today. I think I will need blood because my heart rate and breathing were strained a bit during my rowing workout this morning. I can always tell when I need more blood from my exercise response. If they need to tank me up, I'll be here for 3 hours, first as I wait for the blood to come from the hospital and second, to be transfused into my catheter. As my friend Susan always says, it's not on my time.

Happy to Be Home

Holly spent most of the day with me at the hospital yesterday while I got my last doses of chemo. We watched the UNC football team trounce Notre Dame, which was great. Fortunately, they let me leave after the last dose finished, about 10:30pm. That hospital room gets small and suffocating after a while. It has one small window for natural light. but it isn't enough.

My stomach is a little yucky this morning with a bit of queasiness and that bad taste in my mouth. It seems a little more pronounced this time than usual, but I feel fortunate to be done with Round #3. I plan to have a low key day at home, reading the paper, taking a long walk, and catching up on stuff around the house. I see that our financial system is no better off than when I checked into the hospital. Talk about toxic. I'll probably rebound faster than it does.

I have clinic tomorrow to check my counts. Down, down, down and then up, up, up.

Another photo from Chincoteague and the walk into the marsh.

The Last Day of Round 3

The head of the bone marrow transplant unit is the covering doctor for the day. He speeds through rounds and will likely be here any minute to check on my progress. The plan for today is to take a dose of chemo at 9am and then another one tonight at 8pm. That way when I am done, I can leave to go home.

I am feeling a little better this morning than I felt yesterday. I had missed an ativan dose that left me more and more nauseated as the day went on. I still need all the help I can get with these high power drugs. They wreck havc on my stomach and taste buds, but it is temporary.

Today is a different day;my stomach feels better, less nausea, less bad taste in my mouth, and I am excited to go home later today.

So I have to finish reading all the books I brought with me and watch some college football (UNC v Notre Dame) and (Texas v Oklahoma). Holly is out this morning doing a bike ride to benefit leukemia and other cancers. You go girl.

I'll try to keep in low key today. Won't go back to the clinic until Monday at 9am.

Another fun nature photo for you; we were leaning together to make a fun shadow of ourselves in the marsh grass-taf

Not So Sweet to my Stomach

I made the mistake yesterday of getting my morning chemo dose without one of the anti-nausea meds. Most of the meds, they bring on a set schedule but this one you have to ask for. I had skipped it one time in the last round and felt okay so when I realized that I'd forgotten to ask for, I thought no big deal.

Well, it turned out to be a bigger deal than I guessed with some nausea and queasiness sneaking in as the day wore on. By 6pm, I wasn't feeling so good. Unfortunately, once that nausea settles in, it's harder to get rid of. I did get additional anti-nausea meds at 9pm when they brought my 2nd dose of chemo. I am feeling a little better now, but that bad taste in my mouth has intensified. I'll be drinking apple juice today to counter it. I tried some nice Earl Grey tea that Holly brought for me but it was too strong.

Hopefully I'll be able to get out of here today with a Daypass. If not I'll use the freedom to walk around a bit, the campus etc. Holly has meetings this morning so I'd have to take Sandi up on her offer to drive me home.

I thought I might need blood today but the hemoglobin level came back the same as yesterday 8.4. The doctor team hasn't rounded yet so I am not sure what they want to do with that number- wait or transfuse away.

Day 3 Chemo

I am sitting in my little hospital room, hooked up to Stringbean, my IV pole, as they infuse my 1st chemo of the day. So far so good. Just that funny taste in my mouth. I didn't get my workout in yet since Holly stopped by earlier than usual on her way to work, and they started the chemo earlier than usual. They are trying to get me on a 9am and 9pm schedule. On Saturday, when I have it for the last time, I'll be able to go home. It will be late, of course, but I'll be happy to go home to sleep in my own bed.

Yesterday they gave me a Daypass to leave the hospital, and our friend Sandi gave me a ride home. She was over here getting her flu shot and called to see if she could stop by for a visit. Her work is nearby; in fact, I can see her building from my window. She was sweet to run me home and take time from her workday to be out and about for a bit shuttling me to and fro.

I had a relaxed, low key day at home with my Daypass. I walked down to Weaver St to stretch my legs. I also returned that mystery book by Ian Rankin that I read yesterday (fluff but fun fluff). I picked up a new book by Thomas Frank entitled "What's the matter with Kansas, " which hey had on hold for me. I have started using the library several times a week now. It makes a good destination walk, and they have a terrific collection for a small town library. The next time I am there, I am going to buy the $2 bumper sticker that supports their services. It still amazes me that the library is free. I mean books, magazines, computers, and DVDs all free. They do alot of programs for kids too. I always see lots of young kids there with their parents or being read to in the activity room. Of course, the older kids are glued to the computers doing email and whatever else they do (?homework?). When we lived in South Windermere, a neighborhood in Charleston, I could ride my bike or walk to the public library. I really liked to go there and hang out. I would read parts of the Encyclopedia, since we didn't have one, and I loved history/biography books. It was fun to peruse the shelves or the card catalog picking up interesting reads that I stumbled upon. Wikipedia is pretty cool too, but it's harder to just stumble onto something else when you are using the computer as the search agent.

Well I'm hoping for another Daypass tomorrow. My hemoglobin has already fallen to 8.7 so I will need a blood transfusion soon-either today or tomorrow. My platelet and white cell counts are still high, however.

Another photo from the w-e trip. This is the lighthouse on Chincoteague island. It is actually 5 miles from the shoreline now as sand and marsh has built up over the last 200 yrs with all the hurricanes, tropical storms, and wave surges. Our sea kayaking trip was held in the little cove created by all those past surges. This lighthouse was built in 1833 and automated in 1965. Its signal extends 22 miles out to sea as a warning for nearby boats. The signal consists of 2 flashes of light every 5 seconds. I did get a photo of it as it turned on one evening. I'll include that photo with another blog entry.

Another Day 2

It's almost 9:30am and the doctor team hasn't even begun to round on all of us up here on the 9200 unit. I slept late after being woken up so much in the night with premeds for chemo, then chemo for 2 hrs, then lab draws, weights, more meds, eyedrops, blood pressure checks...well you get the idea. I didn't wake up for good until 8am. Like they say, the hospital really isn't the place to get god rest. I immediately went to the Exercise room to use the Nu-step machine which a recumbent stepper. The treadmill is still broken. The nurses claim that it was fixed but then broke again since my last visit. I will get the chance to walk around for real if they give me a Daypass. I'll walk the home streets if I go to Hillsborough or around campus if I stay here. At the moment, I'm drinking my tea and waiting for the team right now. I have to push fluids so that they won't decide to hook me up to the string bean pole with fluids.

I had the nurse print out my labs from last night. They look better than the day before. My bone marrow must still be in production mode: Hemoglobin 9.8, white cell 4.9 x 10EE9, platelets 186,000. Those are pretty good numbers, even normal except for the anemia.

So far I have felt pretty good. I have a slight funny taste in my mouth and just a touch of stomach queasiness. Nothing bad. But the hotflashes are quite intense. This chemo med gives me those strong hotflashes that soak me from the head down. Then, when they stop, I get pretty chilly. I've taken to wearing a wicking T shirt and having a button down shirt or sweater to wear over it. It helps with temperature control. My hotflashes were going away before I started this treatment. I am not thrilled to have them back. Maybe they will recede quickly once all of this is over. They are annoying.

I'll show another photo of the swamp just as we were entering. It reminds me of one of those Disneyworld rides where you're driven back into the darkness and some cartoon character is going to appear from behind a tree at any moment. But we didn't see anyone except a canoe with a man and woman heading back to the put-in as we ventured out.

Room #9211

I've been checked into my room, and the doctor team has been around to see me for the morning. They gave me a big bag of fluids to wash down the chemo I will be getting later. They have agreed to unhook me from the big pole of IV fluids if I agree to drink 2 liters everyday. Easy and well worth it. When I get fluids, it means that my catheter is hooked up to a big pole that I have to drag around with me when I go anywhere. So I have to wheel it into the bathroom with me, down to the exercise room, into the kitchen galley, etc. It is much nicer to be free to roam.

They put me in a different room this time, and the orientation is opposite of my old room. The bed and window are flipped around. It will feel more disorienting than usual until I get accustomed to it. On the other hand, I won't get bored of the room as quickly.

I'm still waiting for my chemo to arrive from the pharmacy so that they can start my treatment. As before, I'll get chemo today at 11am and 11pm. But they want to move it back to 9am and 9pm for the other days. And they plan to let me leave after the last dose on Saturday night like we did before. Since they always wake me at 4am to draw labs and weigh me, I am more than happy to forgo that extra night here in the hospital. I think they are planning to let me have a Daypass again too. I don't get any meds or fluids on days 2 and 4 so it's pretty boring to just sit around waiting until the entire next day to have chemo again. Ah, if only they could figure out how to give me this stuff at home or in the clinic. I wouldn't even need to be in the hospital at all. Now that would be great.

I'll throw in a photo of Merchants Mill Pond for today. It was really beautiful canoeing there-so tranquil with all the moss hanging from the trees and only the sound of woodpeckers rat-a-tat-tatting at the dead logs.

Wildlife Refuge

Holly and I had a fun w-e adventure at the Chincoteague Wildlife Refuge. I wanted to take her somewhere fun for her birthday, which is October 21st. However, I didn't know how mobile I'd be then due to my next chemo treatment. It is so nice to see wildlife this time of year when the leaves are changing, birds are migrating, and the autumn weather is so pleasant. We did get to see plenty of birds including some bald eagles and falcons. We had a terrific sea kayaking trip led by one of the Park Rangers who knew everything about the area and its wildlife. We spent 2 hours sea kayaking the marsh at high tide, a bargain at only $10 each. We also did a bit of hiking and running, saw their lighthouse, the wild ponies, and walked the beach area. Our hotel was very close to the park entrance and even had its own little balcony overlooking the ponies. We ate lots of seafood, too, of course, and did our part to help the local economy.

Despite getting a bit turned around in the megalopolis of Virginia Beach-Hampton-Newport News on the drive back Sunday, we made it to Merchants Mill Pond in time to do a few hours of canoeing in the swamp. We saw a few pileated woodpeckers and some nutria hiding out on a tree island. We saw lots of lillypads and cypress trees with their knees sticking up from the water and few other people. The light was amazing because we started around 5 pm when the shadows were so stunning. It was great, too, that we could just show up, rent boats, and get on the water right away with all the gear we needed. Beautiful area. Holly had been there before, and she showed me where you can camp. It wasn't crowded at all-just a few other canoers and sea kayakers enjoying the bottomland swamp like us.

Well I'm off to my doctors appt. Tomorrow, its back to the hospital for another 5 days of chemo. This will be Round 3 of 4. Inching closer to being done, done.

Feeling Good for the Upcoming W-E

Holly and I just got back from a morning run together here in Hillsborough. She is taking the day off so that we can go bird watching at a secret location. I am hoping that we get to hike, run, bike and kayak too. It is a beautiful day here - cool, crisp, and clear. I can't think of a better day to be outside.

I don't have clinic again until Monday when I see Dr Long. Then I go back into the hospital Tuesday morning for the next 5 days of chemo. I am actually looking forward to it. Round 3 (of 4) gets me that much closer to finishing.

I probably won't write again until Monday. Just fyi.

Yesterday's counts: white cells 2.4 x 10EE9, absolute neutrophils 840 (I can eat salad and fruits again), platelets 99,0000, hemoglobin 9.3.

Have a great w-e yourself-taf

HAPPY OCTOBER

I am sitting in my Duke blue recliner on side B, the side of the clinic with the big windows, open spaces and lots of light. It is definitely the more cheery side of the clinic. Melissa, my nurse for the day, just took my temperature and blood pressure and removed blood through my catheter to check my blood counts. In another 30 or 40 mins, I'll have my results and be on my way home for the rest of the day. Before my appts, Holly and I try to guess what the counts will be for the upcoming lab draw. Sometimes we are really close, sometimes not so close. Today my counts are on the way up, so we'll see how high that white cell count has climbed, how many platelets I have, and what the red cell number is. I had a good rowing/push-up workout this morning so I know the red cell number will be above 9.0.

October is such nice month. It is cooler as fall arrives. The leaves start to change. The sunlight is very pretty as the summer haze recedes. It is especially pretty with the polarizing sunglasses I wear when I go outside. I was walking through downtown Hillsborough yesterday afternoon to check on a new park they are creating on the Eno River. Hillsborough is putting in a Riverwalk from the downtown area to Occoneechee Mtn, some 1.5 miles away. The new park is being created on the Riverwalk at about the halfway mark and will include picnic areas and other recreation options once it is finished. It is near one of my running routes around town, so it will be nice to hop on the Riverwalk to add mileage to my run. The added bonus is that it will be along the river too. I'm sure it will be pretty.

On my way back home after checking out the park building site, I stopped in the library to check on a mystery writer I'd read about (Ian Rankin). I have a number of books I am working on right now, but wanted to see if our small library had this famous author's work. I was delighted to find that we have lots of his titles, most of which are about an hard boiled Edinburgh detective. Just on a whim, I also checked to see if they had a book written by one of my old Exeter high school classmates which had recently been reviewed in the NY Times. She frequently writes articles for the NY Times, and just wrote a book about the Brits since she married one and has been living in England for 10 yrs now. To by surprise and delight, our small library did have the book, so I checked it out. I left for home thinking how nice it is to live in this small town with a good library and running routes and parks along the river. It is really very pleasant.

The Painted Fern, Resilience

The photo is awful so you'll just have to believe me that there is a small painted fern in this photo. My friend Susan gave it to me back in late May or early June when I was first diagnosed with leukemia. It's name is "resilience," and she thought it would be symbolic of my journey ahead (well, at least, I think that was her point, close enough, as she always says). I wasn't sure whether to plant it in the garden at the Asheville house, which is my first love, or at the Hillsborough house. I poured myself into that Asheville hillside 6 years ago with truckload after truckload of mulch and plants to replace an ugly, grass covered slope behind the house. I pulled out bamboo that ran along the steps on both sides (see it was alot of work), and put in the mishmash of perennials, shrubs, and rhododendrons that now dot the hillside on both sides.

The garden here at the Hillsborough house is much smaller, just a few plants and trees that run along the wooden fence in the backyard and Holly's flowers in the front of the house. I knew that we might not get to Asheville much once I started treatment, but I decided to plant the painted fern at the Asheville house where I could see it from the patio. Holly and I often sit on the patio near the garden to eat our lunch or enjoy a beer before supper when we are there. I thought it would be nice to look over and see the fern that Susan gave me and share all that resilience energy.

However, Asheville suffered an extreme drought this summer and the fern died. My "resilience" died. I didn't want to mention it to anyone. I didn't point it out to Susan or Holly, and I barely let myself think about how my symbolic fern was no more. It made me sad, even worried a little in a superstitious way. But recently, Asheville got rain. And my little fern is growing again. It is resilient, by golly. Whew, I was so relieved. I did mention it to Susan, Donna, and Holly this weekend when I saw the fern pushing its little self back up from the ground. And that's me, pushing myself back up from treatment, resilient like the painted fern.

To clarify, since I obviously confused some of you about my next hospitalization for chemo; it's next week. I see Dr. Long on Monday in his office then go into the hospital Tuesday morning (10/7) to take another 5 days of chemo. This week is my rest, rebound, and resilience week as my bone marrow turns back on after the last treatment. Sorry to confuse.