My Treat & Delight

I cannot believe that tomorrow is the last day of 2009. I am sure that this does not come as a surprise nor am I likely to be alone in this one. This time last year, I was anxiously awaiting Jan 2nd when I wound finally get to return to work after being out for 7 mos with my leukemia treatment. To say that I was anxious really, really does not do it justice. I was as scared to return to work and treat patients as I had ever been-even when I was just starting out. It is amazing how much this line of work requires concentration and a good memory as well as well, there is no way to say it modestly, intelligence. I felt that 7 mos at home had left me dull and unprepared. Luckily that first week back, my boss let me work part-time to get me back up to speed (call it work hardening)and my patients were those easy walk-in types with colds, flus, and diabetes follow ups. I rememeber how tired I was at the end of the day and would just fall into bed exhausted. I am sure that I was suffering from some lingering effects of the chemo too, but my brain took the longest to bounce back. Some days I am not sure that will ever be the same because my memory is not as sharp as it once was. My other menopausal friends tell me they are the same so maybe we are all in this boat together-chemo or no.
Today is actually my last workday of 2009 so the next time I come back into work, it will be my 1 year anniversary of being back. Unless you have experienced that for yourself, you cannot imagine what a treat and delight it is to be here now. And I mean that in all sense of the word. I love that I am still here to enjoy my work, my colleagues, my co-workers. I love that I know how to enjoy today w/o worry about tomorrow or yesterday (buddhists call it being in the present). I love that my precious girlfriend, family, and friends have seen me through so much. My resolution for the New Year is to write more, think more, and keep on keeping on. Sounds delightful, doesn't it?

Merry Christmas

My family has been visiting for Christmas from the far flung reaches of SC and Ga. As there was a good bit of snow leftover from last w-e's snowstorm, those southern kids were happy. I took them sledding near UNCA. I kept checking periodically to see if they were ready to go stop and head back to the house. Despite the cold and the wind they kept at it for a long time. But once Ethan did a face plant, as he put it, and Emma's fingers were icy from being cold and wet, they called it quits. We had a great time and I'm really glad they still had snow to experience on this trip. When you live in the deep south as they all do, you can remember almost every snow you experience as a child, and it's special. In fact, it was one of the reasons we hosted Christmas for everyone this year. And we were lucky enough to have snow for them to enjoy. Unfortunately, rain moved in last night, and it was cold, windy and raw. Not such great weather for sledding. Oh well.

I know that this will come as a bit of a surprise, but he kids wanted to open their presents on Christmas eve. Whole parts of the living room had been given over to gifts piled high. The tree, our measly little artificial number, could barely contain our gifts much less all the ones from grandparents, aunts, and uncles for the little ones. Suffice to say that it looked like a tornado had torn through a toy store after they were finished unwrapping all of those gifts last night. The Asheville house is pretty small by today's standards, but it seems really small with 13 people, 4 dogs and mounds of Christmas presents.

I was able to snap this photo of Santa last night as one of the mini but mighty rein-dachsunds arrived at our house

Have a Merry Christmas!!!

Mama's 95th Birthday

My family congregated in Charleston SC this past w-e to celebrate my grandmother's 95th birthday. We met most of Charleston at the Elks Lodge for the big birthday bash. There was music, food, and lots of pictures. Most of my cousins are on Facebook and there is even a Fralix family account where everyone seems to post old pictures from our younger days. I suspect quite a few of the photos from the party are already posted there. I include a picture or two here because well, I'm not on Facebook. I have trouble enough just keeping this blog current, or current enough.

It was great to see my Mama and behold that whole room filled with people, all of whom are directly or indirectly related to her. Pretty cool as well to imagine all the impact she has made and the legacy she leaves by pondering all the people there.

I had hoped to drive to Asheville on Saturday, but the snowy weather keep me in Charleston for an extra day. I did make it there Sunday just in time to attend the Swannanoa Solstice concert with Donna and Susan. That was really a feast for the eyes and ears with various acoustic instruments played, a show with panoramic photos of the mtns in winter splendor, and even a group that performed Scottish step dancing. It was quite a Christmas treat-thank you both for giving us that. Fabulous!

Well, as it is now December 22nd, we are past the shortest day of the year and can celebrate the light returning again. I so look forward to this time of year because I love the light so much. I have a touch of that seasonal affective disorder so my mood is brighter when we have more daylight. I can get more done and enjoy those few extra minutes of light with a longer run or piddling outside. Only 6 more months to June and the longest day of the year. But we have winter and spring to go through first.
Merry Christmas and enjoy the light!

Running with the Girls

There is a terrific organization called Girls on the Run that holds a 5K race every December in Asheville to raise money for their scholarship fund. GOTR teaches girls to be active and healthy through running and jogging, just my kind of fun in other words. A few Saturdays ago my friend Donna Z and I ran their 5K which was held on the UNC Asheville campus. There were loads of girls (and boys for that matter, and parents of course) congregated by school to attend the event. We ran 3 loops around the main campus, one of the flatter runs I've ever done in Asheville. Donna, who has been toying with the idea of running again after many years off, joined me for the fun. Everyone got a #1 race bib and "earned" a ribbon for finishing the run. I like that they have made it less competitive and more about showing up and participating. It was a cold raw day, about 24 F, and I give many thanks and kudos to Donna for joining in on the fun in that weather. That's a tough draw for your first running event.

Happy Birthday & Congratulations!

Today is my stepfather's 70th birthday. It is also the last day of his chemo and radiation for a brain tumour. I don't know which is a bigger thing to celebrate, but then he certainly doesn't have to choose. I am relieved and proud of how well he has done. It is never fun to hear that you have cancer-much less that you have to have surgery, chemo and radiation. But he has handled it so well. I wish that I had a current picture to post here, but this one is from the morning he went in for surgery.

I extend a big hug of support and relief to my Mom, too, who has had to worry right along with him.

Congratulations to you both! Happy 70th Birthday VBJ!

The Nice Volunteer Lady

I am writing early on the last day of our Monterey trip. All of the people attending Holly’s conference had the afternoon off to explore the area or whatever yesterday afternoon. I had a coffee in one of the local cafes and asked what we should do that is nearby. The barista recommended a hike in Point Lobos State Reserve which we had actually passed on our way to Big Sur. It was gorgeous-lots of hikes along the headlands with views of birds, seals, otters, and sea lions. There was even a nice volunteer lady at the info station (and I say nice because it was one cold and raw and windy day to be sitting out just waiting for 2 little tourists from NC who don’t know the 1st thing about those pinnipeds). Anyway it seemed that each turn was more spectacular than the last especially as the sun made its arc over the sky illuminating different parts of the rocks, bluffs, cypress, and coves. We saw several places with protected inlets where the water was a true emerald color. There were birds galore. The nice volunteer lady said that she had seen 2 whales earlier in the day, but not knowing what to look for, I can only say that I saw alot of surf. Maybe one of those spurts was a whale spout. Who knows? Could be.

We also tried to cram in another trip to a bird sanctuary called the Elkhorn Slough before Holly had to be back for a big reception, but a guy was just closing the gate for the day when we arrived. It was about 30 mins north of Monterery and tucked away down a bunch of rural roads. I wasn’t disappointed though because we got to see a lot of rural farmland-many farmstands advertising avocados 5 for $1, artichokes 3 for $1, broccoli 2 for $1, well you get the idea. It was pretty, rich land that must grow alot of what we eat back east too. In fact, we passed a big Dole plant sitting next to one of the farms. Cool views even though we missed the slough.

The nice volunteer lady at the info station had a green State Park service jacket and official, green ranger pants. I knew that she was a volunteer rather than a paid ranger because she had a big patch on her sleeve that said “volunteer” (I’m smart and observant that way, tee hee). The State Parks out here are really suffering with the California budget cuts. So it was really nice of her to spend her time sitting out in the cold, as I said, to help us learn more about the features of her park. It got me thinking about the research I read recently about how doing kind things for others helps people who have serious medical conditions. One article I saw in the NY Times was about a woman who had been diagnosed with MS in her 30’s and wasn't doing well either physically or emotionally. One of her doctors told her to try doing things for others to take her mind off her condition. She decided to give 29 gifts to others, one a day for a month-sometimes actual gifts, sometimes gifts of kindness or helpfulness. She felt it improved her MS symptoms so she wrote a book about it (called something obvious like "29 gifts".) There are scientists actually doing research on why that helps. Personally I think it takes your mind off your own problems, forces you to concentrate on the needs of someone else, and diminishes whatever difficult symptoms you’re experiencing. Having a bad day or just feeling crabby? Do something nice for someone else. There is always someone worse off to help and they’ll appreciate it.

Along that same vein, I remember when I was being treated last year for my leukemia and couldn’t work. I was very sad about that. I had worked through my breast cancer treatment, just taking off the days I was sick from the chemo wallops. The leukemia kept my cell counts so low that I couldn’t be around the general public much less the going to the doctor public. It made me feel quite useless. I was kind of crabby and listless at one point early on in my treatment and couldn’t figure out why. Then I saw a young woman being treated for her scleroderma, a condition that causes the skin, fingers, and connective tissue to stiffen. I first saw her in the hospital on one of my admissions then again in the clinic. I spoke to her and her family, which just lit me up inside. I felt for just a moment like I was back in my clinic talking to a patient and her family. That helped me understand all of that irritableness I had been feeling. I wasn’t doing anything for anyone else. I just had to live with that for a while. I am very happy now to be back at work, to be helping other people. And if you come to me with the blues, I’m gonna write you a prescription for 29 gifts-to give others.

More of Monterey

Holly scooted out to her meeting early this morning and I went for a long jog on the road we had driven yesterday to head south to Big Sur. We had found a back way from Cannery Row up a long steep hill to Hwy 68 that leads past the tiny town of Pacific Grove on to Hwy 1, the Oceanview Hwy that heads to Carmel and then to Big Sur. This morning, I made essentially a big loop with the trail from Old Monterey, the historic district where we are staying, then on to Cannery Row, left up the big steep hill with incredible views (My Mom once commented that I always manage to find a big hill or mtn to live on. Its the views, Mom. I also manage to run them when I can-tourist or no). I ran along Hwy 68 around the old Presidio base for several miles, amongst the tall Eucalyptus and Redwood trees, and back to Monterey via Hwy 1. It took me an hour and 54 mins, the longest run I've done since the Asheville Half-marathon in September. I pulled my hamstring in that one and had to take 6 weeks completely off from running. What a bummer that was! This getting old stuff is tricky. Healing just isn't as fast as it once was. Oh well, I am better now and had a terrific run in a terrific town up a terrific hill. What a sweet and fortunate life I have!

Monterey

I am writing this from our hotel room in Monterey California. Holly is attending a meeting here for her association, the American Society of Clinical Veterinary Pathologists. That’s a mouthful for sure, but they use their abbreviation mostly, ASCVP, which makes it a bit more manageable. We flew out early Friday morning dodging the snowstorm in Houston (yes that Houston) where we changed planes, bound for California. Though I usually think of California as warm and sunny, even Monterey which is about 2 hours south of San Francisco, is cool and cloudy this time of year. We are staying in an upscale hotel near Fisherman’s Wharf and the marina, so the views are great, cool and cloudy or no.

This morning we took advantage of Holly’s break from the meeting to drive 30 miles south on Hwy 1 to Big Sur. I’d read about a fun place to eat called the Big Sur bakery, but they were closed for winter break. Not to be daunted, we grabbed a few Big Sur bars from the deli next door and headed to Andrew Molerno State park and the Venta Wildlife Society center. They are doing work with California condors, which have become nearly extinct. The hike along the coastal trail was spectacular with lots of hawks, falcons, and many little birds (sadly no condors observed by us anyway). The trail meandered by the river and up the bluff for a terrific view of the coastline. The sun even came out during the hike back to the car, so we were able to enjoy all the beautiful things we’d seen on the way out, not only from a different perspective but with better light. We commented on how the California coast is so different from the beaches we know and love in North and South Carolina. Here the sand is nothing more than a small strip - strewn with old logs, kelp, and rocks- while the NC beaches are wide, sandy and full of shells. The NC dunes may be 10 ft high, but here in California, the bluffs extend up hundreds of feet. Both coasts are beautiful, just different.

Last night we tried a sampler of the microbrews here at the hotel pub. They were okay, nothing too stellar. At this point, we are hopheads, and spoiled ones at that. Asheville has so many fine breweries, and we’ve grown accustomed to those bitter beers as one of my pals put it. It was fun, though, to try out what they have locally; you never know when you’ll find something new you really enjoy.

I read a great book on the flight out here. We often listen to public radio on our journeys to and from Asheville. Last Sunday, we were listening to a program about religion and heard an interview with the Rev. Kate Braestrup who is a chaplain for the Maine Warden and Game service. She goes out with them on missing person cases or when a body has been discovered. Her job is to be there for the families and to counsel the Game Wardens if necessary. She sounded like the wisest counselor I’d ever heard, and I decided to check out her memoir “Here if you need me.” Not only is she a wise counselor and Reverend, but she writes well too. It turns out that she was a writer before becoming a Unitarian minister in her second career. If you’re looking for a peaceful, uplifting, hope inspiring book check it out. Our little Hillsborough library had it, and Amazon sells it too, of course. Now I’ve moved on to the new one by the author of “The Time Traveler’s Wife.” It’s a good one too, but I haven’t finished it yet ( “Her Fearful Symmetry” by Audrey Niffenegger.)

Again, our little Hillsborough library astounds me. I just finished perusing the list of 100 Notable books from the NY Times Book review and ordered several of them from the online library catalog. In 2 days, my books were waiting for me just a half-mile from the house. Amazing! Call me a Luddite, but there is no technology better or more satisfying that the public library. While I enjoy reading some of the NY Times online, I much prefer the paper version. Call me old school, but I enjoy holding a real book in my hands. I hope that I am dead and gone long before books appear solely in electronic form. And I hope that our little Hillsborough library (shall I abbreviate it OLHL from now on?) keeps on ordering all of those fantastic books. OLHL is moving, though, to a bigger space downtown next to the new Weaver St Market and big parking garage. I’ll have a bit of a longer walk for my books, ~ 1 mile from the house instead of half a mile, but the new space is going to be much larger. Eventually, there will be a walking trail, too, that goes right along the river past the library, Weaver St Market, and out to Occoneechee Mtn. That will be really cool.

We Ate with Thanks & Gratitude

WE GAVE THANKS
I never got the chance to write about Thanksgiving after the holiday. It was full of fun and food and fellowship, just as I knew it would be. We did take a short hike on the Mountains-to-Sea trail before dinner Thursday. Little mini but mighty (Riley the amazing, hiking dachshund) led the way from Craven Gap - where Town Mountain Rd meets up with the Blue Ridge Parkway- some 4 miles further south. We had a bit of a snafu or situation as some would call it, when Miriam and Alex got separated from the main group and ended up heading down from the ridge on a different trail. With cell phones and Marty hoofing it to get back to them, we were all reunited safely.

Dinner was quite a feast as you can see from my plate here in one of the photos. Holly did a fabulous job of cooking the turkey, which was very delicious. Everything was yummy in fact. Glad we did the hike before the meal because there would not have been a big hike after that big, filling meal.

Friday morning early, early, crazy early, Alex and Debbie went out for a little Black Friday shopping. Alex wanted to go to Wal-mart, of all places, to buy a Gameboy she saw on sale. Best I could tell, Debbie was just along for the fun, though she did come home with some prizes too. They struck paydirt in Weaverville, where the lines weren’t as long as those in Asheville. And I think, they managed to buy everything they set out to find on sale. I was skeptical they would really go at “O Dark Hundred,” as we say in my family, but they did, later relating all the fun they had. I will say that they got some great deals for their sacrificed sleep.
Maybe that needs to be part of the tradition from now on. Someone has to get up really early and brave the lines to snag an excellent deal. I'll add that one to the list.

The Week for Giving Thanks

Just as I like to make a big deal about birthdays, I really like to make a big to do about Thanksgiving. I think it is the perfect holiday. It's all about being thankful, enjoying people, and sharing good food and times with folks you care about. It's not about gifts or opening presents. This year we are celebrating in Asheville with a big potluck dinner Thursday evening. We expect to have 13 people including a few from the Triangle who took us up on our offer to visit for the holiday. In addition to the traditional turkey, we plan to have sweet potato casserole, dressing, mashed potatoes, salad, homemade bread, brussel sprouts, gravy, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, cranberry torte, fudge and maybe a few things I haven't thought of yet. Our buddy Jo has even decided to hang around and join in rather than make the drive to Columbia.

This past weekend, we attended the Holiday parade in downtown Asheville. They always hold the parade the Saturday before Thanksgiving-an odd time to have the Christmas parade but there you go. I caught the unicycle team and the llama golf caddy service on film. It's Asheville afterall. Why be normal???

I'll include some photos of the Thanksgiving Day food & fun once I have them. I'm salivating just thinking about all it now. I will miss seeing the rest of my family who are gathering in Charleston this year to eat at my Dad's. Bet they are having a real spread too.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving and don't forget to reflect on all the good things in your life.

Love at First Sight

Lately the skies around Asheville have been truly spectacular. The weather cools off overnight allowing a gentle fog to settle around town while the cooler, crisp air of the ridges remains higher up. The sunrise scatters through the fog about 6:50am with the most beautiful rosy glow near our house. Fortunately I woke up at the fist hint of light this weekend and ran out to our deck to get these photos. It is one of the best times of the day, as well as a really lovely time of year. One of my favorite things is to sit on the couch in our living room and watch the light change while I drink my coffee. With the leaves off the trees, the views of downtown, the skyline, and the ridges both east and west of town are gorgeous.

Ferdinand

We have been thinking lately that the market for new Priuses would get tight when the price of gasoline increases again. Holly's Prius, which we drive on all of our trips back and forth to Asheville as well as other long trips, now has 95,000 miles on it. Of course, it hasn't given us a lick of trouble. But we decided to go check out the new improved 2010 Prius, which is now rated at 51 mpg. So Saturday we bought a second one from the Toyota dealer in Asheville. We've named them Ferdinand (the new grey one) and Isabel (the old red one). Here's Holly beside her new toy.

Why It's Fun to Learn...and Teach

While Holly was toiling away Friday in the Asheville home office, I attended an educational conference held by my old residency program MAHEC. This one covered the latest greatest informational on the flu as well as other Infectious Disease topics. It was so current that one of the speakers said that her slides for the flu data were being updated daily as the number of cases continues to increase here in NC as well as the other parts of the country.

I wanted to attend this conference because MAHEC does such a good job with educational programs. Also, it being my old training program, I knew that I would see some folks from my time working in Asheville. I threw in my camera just in case I ran into the former director of my residency program. I have been thinking of him a lot recently. We have a few new providers in the Drew clinic, just hired straight from their residencies or Nurse Practitioner programs. As such, I have been doing more teaching than usual. It's been really fun to re-visit with them how to do a shoulder injection for rotator cuff syndrome or to help a young doc identify a mysterious rash. My residency director was an incredible teacher and mentor-funny, smart, patient, and extremely knowledgeable. So I had been thinking about all the things he taught me that I am now passing along to them. Luckily, he did attend the conference so I was able thank him directly and get this photo. In addition to being a great mentor and teacher, he is a terrific person. That's why I am so happy standing beside him.

This past w-e Holly and I ran in the Superhero 5K run held in downtown Asheville. Our pals turned up to volunteer as race marshalls and/or to photograph us and the crowd. This one was especially interesting since everyone was encouraged to dress up as their favorite Superhero. There were lots of costumes-Flash, Superman, Souperman, Batman, Robin, etc. We didn't have Superhero costumes so we went as ourselves with little bandannas wrapped around our necks. Ellen and Susan captured us trolling along enjoying the view of all the other Superheros in the race. This one was sponsored by our favorite pizza and beer place so we were treated to, yep you guessed it, pizza and beer after the run. It was a lot of fun.

I had planned to write November 8th to commemorate my last doses of chemo on that date last year. But we got busy having fun and I never took the time to sit and write. Wow what a difference a year makes! Out having fun instead of recovering from chemo. Anyway, I am 1 year out and it sure is terrific. Again, thanks to everyone who has been enormously supportive during all of this.

Yippee!

Thursday afternoon I was scheduled for my regular 3 mos recheck with Dr Long and Tanya in the bone marrow clinic. Usually I get my blood drawn, followed by a physical exam with Dr Long and/or Tanya, and finally a bone marrow biopsy. The aspirate and marrow they collect from my hip is sent off for special leukemia studies to look for any signs of recurrence. At my visit in late July, Dr Long decided that I could skip the bone marrow biopsy since my blood counts were so normal. But he told me that I'd have to get one at my next visit. So all week, I'd been dreading the visit. The biopsies are painful since the numbing medicine they use only dulls the pain at the skin and muscle overlying the biopsy site. The part where they drill into the hip bone and beyond into the marrow is quite painful. They drill a second hole to suck out liquid marrow for the aspirate sample and that produces an intense pain that radiates across the whole pelvis. That part isn't dumbed by the Lidocaine either.

My first bone marrow biopsy was actually at UNC where I was diagnosed with the leukemia in late May 2008 after my white blood cell counts started dropping followed by my red blood cells and then my platelets. That very first biopsy was angst ridden- what with the waiting for news of what this was. I knew that it was something bad because in addition to the low numbers of cells, the cells had begun to appear atypical, a sure sign of malignancy. But the actual biopsy procedure was not uncomfortable because they used what is called conscious sedation. They placed an IV in my arm, monitored my breathing and blood pressure, while they gave me IV morphine and ativan. It's kind of a "La La Land " where you know what is happening, but there is no pain or anxiety. I got spoiled a bit by that first biopsy because it was so easy. Well the actual procedure was easy anyway. My hip was sore and bruised and tender for the next several days, but Motrin handled that easily.

So the dread started seeping back in Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday this week as I thought about having another biopsy Thursday afternoon. My appointment was scheduled for 3pm at Duke, and Sallie, my boss, let me rearrange my hours to be there without missing work time. I worked the morning clinic and through lunch until 1:30pm. There is nothing like hearing 19 other peoples' health issues to take your mind off your own impending date with a big needle. And it worked to keep me busy and focused before I had to leave for my appointment. Then Dr Long decided that my blood counts looked great. Not only did I not need the biopsy, but he was cutting me loose to follow up whenever I wanted as long as my monthly blood test remains normal. All that worry and dread for nothing. I was so very relieved not to have the biopsy and even more relieved to get on to a more minimal follow up routine. Though it might not be needed, I did tell him that I want to be seen again in 6 mos. Call it post cancer wariness. I don't want to be too far removed from the clinic in case I need them.

We piled into the car as usual Thursday afternoon and headed for the mtns after my appointment. The mountain views are finally clear & sunny here. We are still seeing a little leaf foliage though it is definitely post peak. I love this time of year because the Asheville house starts to have a splendid view of downtown as well as the mountains both east and west of town. The sun comes up just over the east mountains, shining into our eyes with its low winter arc. We have to close the curtains for the first hour or two until it gets higher in the sky with less of a slanting path through the bedroom windows. If it's sunny, there is often a beautiful rosy glow to both the sunrise and the sunset. It's one of the reasons I like this house, though it is modest and boring in the way that raised ranches are. We keep feeding the birds, both in the front and the back of the house, and they keep coming for us. The woodpeckers are looking brilliant this time of year.

So Yippee for me!!!

People Who Share Their Bounty

Once in a while, I am truly astounded by the generosity of people. In addition to all of the intimate information that they share about themselves, I sometimes receive gifts from my patients. This week one of my patients brought me some canned goods from her garden. The jars included pear conserve, grape jam, homemade spaghetti sauce, heirloom tomatoes preserved with herbs and vinegar, and cooked wild pears. We had been talking about how nice it is to grow a bit of your own food, how it tastes better than anything you can buy at the store, when she announced that she was going to bring me some treats from her garden. I had forgotten about it for several days until she returned to the clinic toting a large basket full of goodies, some of which are shown here. Most of you know that I take care of many people without health insurance, and like this woman, they tend to work in low paying jobs. I was struck with gratitude at this woman's generosity and couldn't help but give her a big hug of thanks for all she'd done. How nice of her to take the trouble to do all of that and to drop by to give it all to me. And what a delicious surprise too; those heirloom tomatoes are swimming in the best garlic sauce I've ever tasted!

My other delight this morning was getting to meet Anna Elizabeth- all of 4 days old today. My work pal Sarah went into labor Thursday night and delivered her on Halloween eve about midday. Anna got to experience her first Halloween in Chapel Hill -from the inside of the UNC hospital, a much safer place than trolling down Franklin Street in costume. Mom and baby are doing great, and it was terrific to see them today before I had to leave for work. I had trouble tearing myself away from holding her to drive to the clinic. I can only imagine how it will feel for Sarah when she returns to work 3 mos from now.

Thanks to everyone who has shared a little piece of themselves with me this year. It doesn't go unnoticed or unappreciated.

How Does He Do It?

I looked outside my bedroom window Thursday morning as I was drinking coffee and thinking about the day ahead. I spied this guy in his usual corner of my garden showing off the last of his tomatoes. I don't know how he does it, but he manages to leapfrog me every year-if I put in 3 tomato plants, he has to plant 4. If mine stop producing in October, his go clear into November. Fortunately he is kind and shares them with me. Tee hee, as Susan says.

Well it is October no more, since I'm writing this on the evening of November 1st. We have set our clocks back, and I'm already missing the daylight. The weekend weather in Asheville was unseasonably warm and rainy. At one point, I was pretty sure I'd been transported to Seattle or some other Pacific Northwest clime. Today, finally, it was a respectable 45F with at least some patches of blue sky for a few minutes. That sunshine was a welcome sight. I used it to do a terrific 8 mile run around Beaver Lake (my first in over 7 weeks after my hamstring pull) and to clean up the garden a bit. I only had time to transplant a few perennials & trim some wild grapevines before heading back to Hillsborough. There is always next weekend to tackle the next two or three jobs that need to be done.

I'll be seeing my bone marrow doc and his PA later this week. I have an appointment with Dr Long and Tanya this Thursday afternoon, my usual 3 month follow up. Since they skipped the bone marrow biopsy when I saw them in July, I suspect that I won't be so lucky this time. I am hoping that all will be well with my blood counts, and maybe, just maybe, I can defer this biopsy too.

I have another big anniversary coming up this week. My last hospitalization for chemo last year was November 4-8th. I had 2 treatments each day on the 4th, 6th, and 8th. You can bet Holly and I will be celebrating how far we've come. As I always say, Yippee!!!

Supporters

I got a comment to one of my posts from someone who calls himself Hopeful Husband. His wife had breast cancer about 18 mos ago and was subsequently diagnosed with secondary leukemia like I was. He apparently ran across my blog while looking for info or maybe just doodling with AML sights on the internet. Her doctors are advocating a bone marrow transplant after her initial chemo to induce remission, which of course my doctors did originally too. I don't know where you both are in the process, but I wanted to take this opportunity to wish you luck with all of the day to day decisions and issues that come up (you've already been through chemo and surgery so you know a thing or two thousand about what I mean).

Good luck to you and to my Stepdad and Mom who start their next phase tomorrow too.

Finding a Way

I wrote a blog post a while ago called "Other People's Cancer" because we had two people close to us who had recently been diagnosed with cancer. I wrote about how the news of other peoples' cancers causes me to relive some of my own past health struggles. Since I wrote that, my stepdad was diagnosed with brain cancer and had surgery to remove his tumor. Next week he begins his own course of radiation and chemo, while Holly's brother-in-law finishes his. I know intellectually that there is no more cancer now than when I was in my twenties; it just seems like it. Just another consequence of aging I guess. I don't mean to focus so much time and energy and words on the topic, but it just keeps popping up. I promise that when it stops appearing and re-appearing, I'll stop writing about it so much. Until then, to those finishing and starting their treatment course, good luck!

Remember, energy begets energy. Do anything to move-get off the couch and go for a walk or if you're too weak for that, just walk around the yard. Be outside and feel the breeze on your face. Anything to enjoy being alive and feel less like a patient.

Holly and I attended my work banquet this weekend in Chapel Hill. How nice to see so many of my fine co-workers all dressed up, enjoying themselves at the dinner. Nice too of Piedmont to stage such a terrific event even in this time of tough finances. I promise to see a few extra patients everyday over the next year to help pay for it-well worth it!

Lighting Up the Night

Last night we attended the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society "Light the Night" fundraiser in Durham. Marty, Deb, and Alex join us there with several friends adding donations to our team to benefit all of the good work that is done by the society for research and patient advocacy. Last year I was out of the hospital on the night they held the event, but my cell counts were too low to out and about with the public. It felt good to be able to join in this year, walking with a lit balloon-mine white since I am a survivor, while Holly and Alex had red ones as supporters. The event was much more somber than the Breast Cancer events I've attended. For one, it was notable how few white survivor balloons there were compared to red supporter balloons. Fortunately there are fewer blood cancers diagnosed each year, but the survival rates are much lower than for breast cancer. It certainly hit home seeing the paucity of white balloons compared to red ones at this event. I could go on and on about how lucky it made me feel. I could extoll my appreciation to everyone who supported me last night & the last year whether you were there or not. And I could assure all of you that I am happy for every additional day I get to be here. One survivor who had the same cancer I had last year spoke to the gathering just before we left for the 2 mile walk around Durham. He said that he didn't feel much like a hero which someone had called him. But then he realized that he was "Here -Oh," and that seemed to fit. Well thankfully I am "Here- Oh" too.

What 50 Looks Like

Today is Holly's 50th birthday. While I was able to avail myself of the 3:30am hotflashes to say happy birthday, I had to wait until 7am to properly sing her the Happy Birthday song which is customary in my family. She was good natured too about the big tube of "Oil of Old Age" which I gave her. Tonight we'll go to the local hangout to celebrate a bit. We haven't done nearly enough of that- what with the cruise trip to Scandinavia, the cabin weekend with friends at the Va Creeper trail, and of course that happy birthday wish at 3:30am. Tee hee. Anyway, I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to be here now and celebrating my girlfriend's 50th. In some ways, it feels like I am celebrating my 50th birthday too. After my struggles and health challenges of the past few years, I feel older than 47. So 50 seems as good as any age to pick, and it's a fun one to commemorate. Thankfully I'm here and healthy and happy and able to be part of so many fun events.

More Happy Birthdays

On this delightfully sunny October 13th, I'd like to wish my sisters Beth and Becky a warm Happy Birthday! They are turning 45 yrs old today. Now all three of us are deeply ensconced in our mid 40's (well I'm 47 which feels a lot closer to 50 than 40, but you get the idea). I hope that they have plans to to do something fun and exciting today to celebrate.

The Asheville gang plus Miriam and Alex from Durham celebrated Holly's 50th in the Virginia mountains this past w-e. We rented a big cabin that used to be the one room school house for the Whitetop Va community, where we stayed to take advantage of the Virginia Creeper bike Trail and hiking in nearby Grayson Highlands State Park. The family who owns the house turned it into a family cabin with gas logs, a big open kitchen, sleeping porch and loft in addition to actual bedrooms downstairs. We were a little cramped all eleven of us stuffed in there together, but this is the gang that goes camping, hiking, and canoeing all the time so intimacy just means having your own bathroom. We had a fabulous time with everyone arriving Friday evening just as the weather turned from blue skies to drizzle. We enjoyed a big potluck dinner with lasagne and eggplant parmesan followed by Susan's famous pound cake for dessert. She made a new one, tweaked a bit with the addition of cream cheese. It was the best I'd ever eaten and her other ones are pretty fantatstic. Ellen celebrates her birthday Sunday Oct 18th, so we got to fete her Friday night, and sang to Holly Saturday night. Seven years ago, Ellen rented the very same cabin for our group on her 40th birthday, so it was really fun to go back to the same spot. They even had a candle still decorating the house that she had left there 7 yrs ago. We had to get all nostalgic about that when we realized it.

By the way, while I'm thinking of it, nostalgia really is under rated. I think it's one of the reasons we go to these places with our group. We have so many terrific memories of old trips in the area, of staying the last time at this same cabin, of all the cold bike rides from Whitetop to Damascus when it's freezing even in July. This time did not disappoint either as we had a cool drizzle most of the day. But hey, we didn't let a little thing like light rain keep us from having a blast. The colors were at their peak, the bikes were all functional, and we even figured out how to shuttle then back to Whitetop without much ado. Everyone was such a good sport about the trip, all aspects. We enjoyed great food, funny stories, a beautiful mountain view, the bike ride, an entertainment show complete with dancers, and plenty of fun. I am thankful everyone was able to go to celebrate Holly's 50th and Ellen's 47th. More fun and funny memories for later (not everyone is brave enough to fashion a rain poncho from a plastic bedsheet, but we have just the gal for that too!)

Here are some photos from the trip.

More Yellow Ahead

Today being October 1st, it reminds me to take time to notice the leaves. We've been very busy at the clinic lately, what with H1N1 infections and now giving flu shots and all the kids getting every stray cough, cold and crud that floats their way. It's easy, I think, for everyone to get caught up in what is happening at work this time of year. The kids are back at school meaning that they, too, are going full throttle with homework, tests, report cards soon and, of course, fall sports (a little soccer anyone?). But this is the most gorgeous time of the year, and I entreat all of you to stop once in a while to catch your breath, take a walk (now that it is no longer hot & humid, you can't use the weather as your excuse), and notice the leaves. We'll have plenty more yellow ahead, but now is the time to pay attention. Sure, it will get better and better-brighter and more vibrant as the days get cooler and shorter-but today is exquisite too.

I found myself driving around Charleston with my Mom earlier in the week explaining some of the gifts that having cancer has given me. I was down in my old hometown to be with my Mom while my stepdad had exploratory brain surgery. Unfortunately, we didn't get good news-he, too, has cancer. We're still waiting on the official biopsy results to know more about the type of chemo and radiation he'll have depending on the tumor type etc. I told my Mom that I like to think about each day and remember where I was last year and what I was doing (usually either in the hospital having chemo, or recuperating from chemo, or getting ready to have more chemo). Then I like to celebrate that I'm not doing any of that now by contemplating exactly what do I want to do TODAY, October 1st, just in case next October 1st is different from today. I know it might sound silly, but the perspective is really helpful. It is really freeing to consider what I want to enjoy today just in case next October 1st isn't so fun. So here's what I did today that I really enjoyed-woke up at 5am, snuggled until I was sure I couldn't get back to sleep, drank coffee while watching the daylight creep into my bedroom, had a terrific row while listening to REM, drank coffee containing chocolate syrup and whipped cream while visiting with Holly once she woke up, wrote postcards to 3 loved ones with cancer, wrote a Thank You card to my friend's mother who prays for me at a pilgrim site in France (I swear I am not making this up), treated a few sick people and told a few that they weren't as sick as they thought, enjoyed a fabulous walk at lunchtime up and down the street behind my workplace, ate a peanutbutter sandwich dribbled with extra peanuts, treated a few more sick people, then came home to start this blog entry. Holly and I will go hit the local sandwich place for dinner when she gets home in a few minutes.

So you pick the thing or things you want to do today that you just might not be lucky enough to do next October 1st.

Photo-my Mom and Brian just before we left for his surgery. I should have taken an "after" photo since he was up showered, shaved, and ready to go just a mere 24 hrs later.

Hugely Grateful

Hugely Grateful-that is what one of my patients told me yesterday when she came for her usual check up on diabetes and high blood pressure. Her husband of 47 yrs died of a ruptured bowel in late January, and she had not been in to see us since. She said that they had been together "since the 10th grade" and that she was "hugely grateful" to have had so much time with a great man (she is now 66). I was struck by her words because I too am hugely grateful. Hugely grateful to have been able to attend the Brewgrass Festival in Asheville last w-e, when I couldn't last year due to my treatment. Hugely grateful that I have so many great people to enjoy both at work and outside of work. Hugely grateful that my girlfriend is game to run 13.1 miles with me to celebrate life. Hugely grateful that my best pals are willing to hang out all day listening to bluegrass music while we eat pretzels and sample craftbrewed beer. Hugely grateful that my family is ever ready to call, visit, and drop their daily lives to be with me when I am sick. So today, after hearing my patient's story, I just want to reiterate how hugely grateful I am to be here enjoying the heck out of everything I get to do-each day, a gift to share with people who are terrific. You know who you are!

Okay, on a different note, we did finally get to the Brewgrass festival this year. We had tickets to attend last year. But that w-e, I was busy recovering from one of my chemo treatments, and we couldn't travel. Susan and Donna sold our tickets to someone else and attended on their own. This time, we got to go too. Donna made us pretzel necklaces to chomp on during the day, and naturally,I ate all of mine (see photo). We loved hearing the Dehlia Low band, and the others were great too. One band from Knoxville, Tenn was terrific. We arrived good and early to get our chairs set up close to the stage, which was great, because later in the day, that field was full and I mean full, full of people. We sampled lots and lots of craft beers which was really fun. I didn't enjoy the taste of them all (pumpkin beer-why combine the two???), but it sure was fun trying new ones. I got a temporary tattoo from the "Tattoo Man" so now I am tickled like my little kid patients who get them from us at the clinic. Mine says "Rogue Nation" with a big fist. I got one for later that says "Big Boss" so watch out for that one. Fun and silly.

We are staying in Hillsborough this upcoming w-e since it's my turn to work the Saturday clinic. We plan to reconnect over dinner with some friends who live here. And I'll have a chance to work in the garden here, getting the space ready for my fall plants and bulbs. Later I'll leave for Charleston to be with my Mom, whose husband is having surgery on Monday. Hoping all of that goes smoothly.

Happy Birthday Momacita!

Today is a very special day-my Mom's birthday. I had to call (as she always does) and sing her happy birthday early this morning. I just love that we celebrate birthdays as a special day in my family. Of course it's all I've ever known. But I simply can't imagine being in one of those families that treats birthdays like any other day (you guys know who you are). I try to be open minded and tolerant of differences, but with this one, we are right and they are wrong. So a big warm, happy birthday wish to my Mom on her special day.

Saturday morning Holly and I ran the Asheville half marathon over hill and dell, past Beaver Lake and up Lookout Rd. It was a challenging 13.1 mile course, to say the least, and we were happy to finish in about 2hrs and 9 mins. Actually, we ran the course a bit faster, but we stopped to visit with our support crew (Donna, Susan, Jan and Ellen, see photo) at our house which happened to be near mile marker 10. The new course is a good bit hillier, and it gave us a great excuse to pause before heading back to the race. They were sweet to come out and cheer us on, and the eclairs from the Creme bakery afterwards were pretty nice too.

Lovely, Just Lovely!

Holly and I are home again, safe and sound in our little Hillsborough home after a week in Scandinavia and England. We had a terrific time-blessed with fabulous, sunny weather and only one choppy,rainy day at sea. Friday night we caught the direct flight from RDU to Heathrow airport in London. That got us into London around 7am their time, where we took a National Express bus directly to the Southampton Cruise terminal some 1 and 1/2 hrs away. Neither of us slept much on the overnight flight so the bus ride allowed us a short nap before boarding the ship. Our cabin was terrific with big sliding glass door, balcony, and deck on the starboard side of the ship. That turned out to be the better side of the ship as we got to see the dixieland jazz band play at the gangway as we sailed away. It also afforded us a marvelous view of the Oslo fjord both coming and going on our last port of call at the end of the trip.

Our first stop was in Zeebrugge, the port for Bruges, Belgium. We took the local train to Bruges about 8 miles away-through the beautiful countryside of Flanders-an area of important battles during WWI. It was green, lush farmland. The Bruges train station was a short walk to the old part of the city, a medieval village that has preserved much of its character and history. I got a picture of the bike lockup area outside of the train station because I have never seen so many bikes. It was just the first of many such bike parking areas in these European cities that tax cars at 180% (yes, you read right. We couldn't believe it either, but a car, even a small car costs the equivalent of $40,000 to encourage biking, trains, buses, etc).
Anyway, we literally ate our way around the Bruges walking tour I'd downloaded from the internet. In short, we had waffles, chocolate, beer, mussels, and frites (fries). We bought some great Belgian beer to take back to the ship since they only had can British beer-not our favorite. Beer must be heavily subsidized in Belgium as a bottle costs little more than 1 euro in the grocery store (well they are brewed by monks...). We bought a selection of different ones and enjoyed them one at a time each night before dinner. Unfortunately we didn't have time for a brewery tour at one of the monasteries-next time.

Our second stop was in Copenhagen Denmark. The walking tour started right near the boat dock with the Little Mermaid statue and continued along the shore to the Royal Palace, the city hall and then to the central shopping district. We had packed some delicious sandwiches for lunch from the hard rolls, smoked salmon, and cheeses from the ship buffet. But we still ate our way around the city, stopping for chocolate and pastries at the golden pretzels (that's how they advertise their bakeries). I wish we had had time to take the countryside bike tour with Mike at one of the local bicycle shops. Bikes are huge in Copenhagen-everyone has one-those cool commuter types with good fenders, baskets for hauling goods and, of course, bells on the handlebars to warn pedestrians. They cost the equivalent of $1,000 for the basic model-a lot cheaper than a $40,000 car at least. The bikes have there own lane in the streets, and watch out if you're a pedestrian, because they do have the right of way. We saw every kind of person biking, and I mean even women dressed in chic outfits with fancy shoes. Everyone bikes and you can get everywhere on bike. People were especially friendly and happy, it seemed to us, in Copenhagen; it's high on our list to see again. Maybe a bike trip next time.

Next we cruised an hour or so North to the small town of Helsingborg Sweden. It was the least impressive of the ports we saw. But we had a great walk through town and up past the fortress to a preserved farmstead from the 1800's. That was pretty cool-to see what an old town square was like complete with shops, barns, animals, windmill, and gardens. I looked, but I couldn't find Pippi Longstocking. She was in the bookstores though. Tee hee.

Our last port of call was Oslo Norway. We cruised up the Oslo fjord just as it was getting light; we really enjoyed seeing that entrance into town. It was the prettiest of the places we docked being at the marina for ferries and other boats. We bought one of the Dagskot cards to get the tram, or streetcar, out to Frogner park with all the famous Gustav Vigeland sculptures. We managed to get there early before all the tourists arrived. It's a city park with many paths for walking or jogging and some 200 sculptures. I took lots and lots of photos as the guy made sculptures of all kinds of human figures expressing various emotions. At one point, we were walking along the jogging path and noticed a big monument that looked remarkably like Lincoln. When we got closer, we realized that it was Lincoln-our Lincoln seated on a big slab of marble. The monument said it had been given to the people of Oslo from the state of North Dakota in 1914-Go Figure. Must have been alot of people from Norway in ND in 1914, who knew?
Oslo was full of interesting museums, including the Nobel Peace Museum, right near the docks. Again, there were tons of bikers just like the other cities, but everyone rode mountain bikes instead of those city commuter bikes. And man, talk about an expensive city. The cheapest mountain bike was Kroner 14,999 which is the equivalent of $3,000. A typical sandwich at a shop was Kr80, about $16 each. A beer was Kr49, about $10. It turns out they are the richest country in Europe due to their oil (3rd behind Saudi Arabia and Russia), fishing, and timber. But $3000 for a mtn bike, really that is alot. Makes my little Bella seem like a bargain (and she is).

We had a beautiful trip back out the Oslo fjord on the way back to Southampton England. Once we got to the North Sea, we hit bad weather with galeforce winds and rain. The Captain slowed the boat to a crawl, and we landed in port later than planned. Many people missed their connections to buses, trains and planes, including us. Fortunately, we were able to go online in the Ship's internet cafe and rebook a later bus back to London. We missed the chance to go into London and sightsee, but that was okay. We had a nice dinner of fish and chips and Fuller's ESB in the Three Magpies pub near our airport hotel. All in all, we only had 1 day of bad weather (out of 8), and it was a day at sea anyway, so who cares? As the Brits say, Lovely trip, just lovely!

Bon Voyage

Well later today Holly and I take off for our grand tour of Europe. We are taking this trip to celebrate her upcoming 50th birthday. In my family, birthdays are a big deal, and a fantastic trip for turning 50 yrs old seemed in order. She has been to Europe, and we've even been to Italy/London together. So I wanted to plan a trip somewhere that she had not been previously. Scandinavia seemed just perfect. We fly out of RDU later tonight, straight through to London. Then we shuttle down to the coast to board our cruiseship. The actual cruise leaves Saturday afternoon and heads on to Brugge,Belgium, then Copenhagen,Denmark then to Helsingbor, Sweden, then to Oslo, Norway and back again to London-all in one short week. We've never been on a cruise together but this seemed an easy way to sample some ports, unpack only once and require less time/planning than most Europe trips. I know that we will have fun, but I've been pretty nervous and excited about everything working out well. I know that we'll have a spendid time.
Hopefully you'll have a splendid time during the next week too and enjoy your Labor Day!

Bon voyage!

Summer Fading Fast

Holly and I have been enjoying the w-e in Asheville. It's been mild and breezy-that kind of late summer weather that is so gorgeous in the mtns. Friday evening we had dinner with friends, enjoying their house which is nestled among the hardwoods, rhododendrons and mtn laurels. What a beautiful spot to enjoy a delicious dinner with such terrific hosts.

Saturday morning we did another section of that challenging half-marathon course which we will run Sept 12th in Asheville. The course begins downtown near the historic Grove Arcade and winds its way through town to a beautiful neighborhood near the Grove Park Inn (i.e. it's some up), the Kimberly area, over to the golf course (again, it's up), around Beaver Lake, then down to the River (what goes down must come up), turning on to a winding road that passes our house (that one is really up, up, up), around the university and down a long street heading back toward town to complete the 13.1 mile route. This Saturday we ran a little over an hour and a half. We have been reading in the local newspaper about all the people training for the half-marathon who have already completed the course for their training. I like a little more excitement and mystery in my life. If I'd already completed the whole thing, I wouldn't feel the need to do it on Sept 12th. I mean, the purpose of the thing is to see if you can do it. It's a kind of health celebration for me-to prove that I can run that far after all of that horrible chemo last year. I need and want the mystery of wondering how I will feel running that far. As far as I am concerned, all of those other people can train by doing the entire course if it makes them feel better. Me, I'll stick with a little uncertainty on this one.

Saturday afternoon we attended the Beer & Baseball event held downtown at the stadium. It was a showcase for about 30 microbreweries with several bands playing on the actual field (there wasn't a bit of baseball, go figure). Anyway, we got turned on to a new artist named Kellin Watson, a bluesy rock singer who did a terrific hourlong set. Really cool to catch some new live music and enjoy some great fresh beer. My two favorites were the ESB from Sweetwater Brewing Co and the new offering from the Hebrew brewery. However, there were lots of other great styles to try. Water was a very popular beverage too as it was fairly sunny and warm early in the day.

Sunday we ate brunch with our friends Susan and Donna before they had to head off to work. Great to catch up with them over eggs and bacon. I got to show off Bella, my new mtn bike. Susan tried it out briefly. I think she liked it, especially having that extra shock in the back. Afterwards, Holly and I rode the mtn bikes in Bent Creek, and we did one of those routes with the big hill climb (59 mins of continuous up but who's counting...) followed by the big whirlygig down, down, down (Green Lick, it's called). Wow what a blast on my new bike. I love that Bella girl. It really does make a difference in the amount of jostling and jerking when you ride over rocks or roots. And there were just a few of those.

We saw the "Julie & Julia" movie Sunday evening. What a treat! I love seeing Meryl Streep in anything, and getting to see her play Julia Child is incredible. She does such a good job laughing in that sing song way that Julia did, lumbering around in all of those old outfits, and wrestling with all that poultry. She made the movie so fun to watch. Just don't go hungry, or you'll be starving by the end. Even I am tempted to cook beef bourgandy after seeing it in the film, and I don't even eat beef.

Next Friday, Holly and I leave for a trip to Scandinavia to celebrate her 50th birthday (which is actually in October). In her honor, I wrote a message in stone (well sort of...) The pink bit is an orchid bloom.

Meet Bella

Things have been more than a little hectic the past few weeks. I am extremely busy at work with more than my share of patients, their phone calls, refill requests, and the mounds of paperwork every primary care doctor has to wade through. Actually, work has been pretty stressful lately with more than a few patients now homeless and unable to afford their medicines due to the economy, another few with new diagnoses of cancer, and many more with complaints of depression and/or anxiety due to work or family issues. Some of the time, it is all I can do to keep from drowning myself in the 20-30 stories I hear each day, but then I remember to breathe, relax my shoulders, take a walk at lunch, and enjoy some delightful patient or co-worker.

Though we schedule our w-e's in Asheville to the max, I finally found time to buy that full suspension mtn bike I have been talking about for over a year. I named it "Bella" which means beauty- so attached is the photo of Bella AsBike. Tee-hee as Susan would say. For those of you who care, it's a Trek Fuel EX 8 Woman's Specific Design, and the technology with that rear shock certainly does make a difference. Now I can bound up the hills faster, higher, easier and all that. I am very happy with my purchase as is Holly who was already way past my long wait to (finally) buy something so nice for myself.

Our Buddy Jo's birthday is coming up Sat Aug 22th. Happy Birthday Georgia Girl.