FogHead

Now that it is Thursday, I am barreling down to the end of my 2nd workweek. I had Monday off since that is my new schedule. I'll work tomorrow seeing patients until 1pm, and then we will head to Asheville for the w-e. Mostly I have gotten used to working again, but I am still adjusting to having to be "on" all day. While I was out for my cancer treatment, I read the newspaper (both the local paper and the NY Times), sat on the couch reading the latest bestseller, or played on the computer. I didn't accomplish much in the way of real work-my daily tasks limited to doctor's appointments & laundry. Now that I am back at work, I feel behind so much of the time because I am having to relearn all of the systems for seeing patients while I also train for the Computerized Health Record that we are implementing. The computer system is large, complex, and not necessarily intuitive. I feel fogheaded most days when I get home because I am struggling to remember (A) how to treat a patient for his or her particular medical problem after being out for 7 months and (B) how to use the new computer system to document what I've examined & done for the patient. Much of the time on my drive home, I realize that I am in my head, trying to distill everything I've learned into helpful routines. I am really fond of routines, both in my personal and professional life. I joke with my friends that I am like Rainman, the character Dustin Hoffman played in the movie with Tom Cruise. He had some intellectual giftedness but would fall apart if anything was out of order from his usual experience. I'm probably not as bad as that, but I do crave routine. I find them comforting and efficient. Right now I am fogheaded because I have no usual order. Everything is new after 7 months of being out of work. Also, I don't have an office space, computer, or desk of my own yet. There are three of us sharing two desks until one of the providers goes to work at one of the other clinics. So I am uprooted and fogheaded. It only adds to the discombobulation.

I am desperately trying to pay close attention to everything I do during my day to find all the helpful shortcuts. I am getting up to row or run before work, but I don't have that as smooth as I'd like yet either. I am getting my workout done, but I still feel rushed. Some of that may be because I didn't have to move so quickly from one task to another during the last 7 months, and it feels rushed to do so now. Also, I need more sleep than I did a year ago, before all of this cancer treatment, and I am trying to sleep as long as I can before my workout. I like to walk at lunch if I can; it gets me outside at least for part of the day. I haven't been able to do that consistently yet which is adding to my foghead and my sense of being behind. I know that it will all get easier and that, in reality, it's only been 9 workdays. However, I'll be happy when everything flows again, and I can come home to a clear mind.