We Gave Thanks

Well we had a small intimate group for the hike Thanksgiving day up to Rattlesnake lodge. This is the same hike we did last year, only the weather was very different. Last year we had a cold, raw rain, and Holly didn't even want to hike. This is a woman from Kansas, you know where they survive grueling heat in the summer and icy cold in the winter. Soft, I tell you, she's gone soft after all these years in NC. But yesterday we had really nice weather and she was happy to hike like the rest of us. It was in the fifties and clear, a beautiful day. Our hiking group consisted of Susan, Donna W, Ellen, Holly and me. Oh yeah and we took Riley, Donna Z's little dachshund too. We had all piled into the Prius and drove almost to the Parkway where the start of the trial is. There were so many other cars at the trailhead that we had no place to park initially, but by the time I got us turned around to park on the side of the road, someone had left. The hike was excellent; even Riley thought so. We did take some photos since one family was kind enough to take our picture with everyone's camera. I don't have my camera-computer cord with me so I'll have to upload the photos when I get back to Hillsborough.

Dinner was terrific. I took pictures of that too. I'll load those photos too next week. We ended up with quite a crew, the hikers above plus Patty, Ann, Maggi, Donna Z, Kathleen, and Karen H. Freddi couldn't attend since she went to Fla to be with her Dad who isn't doing well. We missed her. When Susan told me that we would be having 11 people for dinner instead of the 8 or so I had counted on, I decided that we would need a second pecan pie (this in addition to all of the regular food and the pecan pie, pumpkin pie, and fudge that we already had). So Thanksgiving morning I threw another one together quickly. I hate to be without enough and 11 people cannot possibly share one pecan pie. But we did actually, and I got to bring the 2nd pie home as well as the fudge and sweet potato casserole that was left over. (I'm currently baking fruitcake while I write. This is a good time to have lots of sweets around, especially to share with others). Before we ate, I told everyone how thankful I was to be there, literally and metaphorically, and Donna W said a nice prayer. Only the pilgrims could have been more thankful or grateful, and I'm sure they had less to eat than we did.

Holly and I ran together yesterday morning-hills, hills, and more hills. I had to walk most of those. But today I ran/walked the Beaver Lake route that is 6 miles long with 2 big hills, and I did some better. It's getting a bit easier each day.

Photo: View of downtown Asheville from our backyard. I may have included this one previously; I still like it.

Shoe Update

I'm in the clinic sitting in my Duke blue recliner on side A. Kristen, the twenty something yr old with aplastic anemia is to my left, wearing her best fancy shoes. Today is her last day in the clinic and for the occasion she is wearing a pair of grey pointy toed shoes with little bows on them. They have, oh about a 2 inch heel. She is also wearing her best Italian, chic jeans or some that approximate that anyway. My older guy Bob and his wife are seated to my right doing a crossword puzzle. He is waiting to see if his stem cell counts are up so that he can proceed with his transplant. She is waiting for her labs and then the provider is going to pull the Hickman catheter in her chest since she won't be needing blood or platelet transfusions after this. They have just given her a pain pill so that it won't be so uncomfortable when they finally do yank that thing out of her chest (I have this in my near future too). I'm waiting on my counts to learn if I need anything today. I don't expect to need any blood products since the bone marrow is producing now. I may need a magnesium or potassium pill since those get used up by all the bone marrow activity making new cells.

Later we will head west on I-40 to Asheville loaded down with pie and other sweets. I hope everyone reading this has a terrific plan for their Thanksgiving. And do give thanks because we all have a great deal to be grateful for. It's good to take at least one day to acknowledge that and share that spirit with others.

Holiday Exuberance Abounds

I was amazed at how upbeat everyone was at the clinic yesterday. The ladies at the front desk were extra cheerful. The nurses were extra cheerful and reminded me that we had a "Turkey breakfast" as they called it in the family support lounge. And the other patients were pretty cheerful too.

One was a guy with his wife who'd driven from Charlotte at 6 in the morning to make it to the clinic in time for his appt. He has a type of B cell lymphoma and needs a bone marrow transplant of his own cells. But they have had a hard time getting enough cells for the transplant procedure. I don't know all of the details, but he said that he'd had so much chemo that his bone marrow couldn't produce enough stem cells at one time for a transplant. They had already gotten some from his hip bone using the big biopsy needle, but they could only get 85% of what they needed. Now that his bone marrow is producing less, he is always anemic with a hemoglobin around 9.0 and has a decreased number of platelets. He bruises easily too because the platelet number is lower than it should be. But he said, after a year of chemo, his lymphoma is gone, and he is grateful every single day to wake up and be with his wife of 53 yrs. And I could tell he meant it. I hope he gets 100% of the bone marrow cells needed for the transplant so that he gets another 3 yrs or 13 yrs or 23 yrs with his wife.

I also sat close to the twenty something year old from a few weeks back; she was dressed, as usual, in her spiffy jeans and Italian pointy toed shoes. She was really cheerful too because Wed will be her last day in the clinic; she finishes up 43 days here including 6 days of chemo, her transplant, and many days coming to the clinic. Wednesday she gets to go back to Greenville NC where she is from. I did finally ask her about her diagnosis. She gave me the answer with a few "yes Mam's" thrown in. My immediate reaction every time I hear a twenty year old say that is "God I must seem old to them." But then I realize I do seem old to them, much the same way a middle aged woman with grey hair seemed old to me when I was 21 or 22. Anyway, she has aplastic anemia, a rare disorder in which the bone marrow stops producing. It leads to low cell counts and can be very dangerous since you need those cells for fighting infection, making platelets so that you don't bleed to death, and throwing out red blood cells to carry oxygen all around your body. In short, she needed someone else's bone marrow to replace this faulty version of hers that had stopped working. Fortunately her sister was a perfect match and now after 43 days here, she'll get to go home tomorrow. She was really, really happy the way that young people are when they get to go somewhere they really want (a kid at the circus comes to mind). I pointed out to her that now she would have any allergies of her sister. She said that she'd take a few sniffles in exchange for the gluten/wheat allergy she previously had. She said that she was looking forward to eating bread and pizza from now on. And it hadn't been all that bad, as she put it (I think she meant the chemo and the transplant and all the days in the clinic). Clearly, she's mastered the art of gratefulness. It will stand her in good stead.

Of course, I was extra cheerful yesterday too because my counts are coming up, and we get to go to Asheville for the long holiday w-e. And I got a great Thanksgiving card yesterday from my former colleague Suzanne who worked with me at the Health Dept in Asheville. She told me about reading the blog and thinking of me & Holly when she travels. It's so lovely when people take the time to write a note like she did, snail mail and all. Thanks Suzanne, it made my day even happier.

I've been on a cooking spree the last few days. Yesterday I made the sweet potato casserole with pecans for Thanksgiving and a new pasta sauce for dinner that my Dad turned me onto. Today I've made a big batch of granola to give to friends and a large pan of fudge with pecans. My Mom used to let me do her holiday cooking, but she always commented on the fact that I use so many nuts. Well yes, many of the things I like to cook call for nuts. This time of year it seems to be pecans. In fact, I keep stepping on them as I run through town in the mornings. We have a lot of pecan trees here in Hillsborough. This morning on my run, I saw a guy standing in his yard just eating them out of the shell from the tree in his yard. Maybe we need a pecan tree too. I'll have to get on that.

So tomorrow it's off to the clinic in the morning and then we head west and up for the long w-e holiday. What fun. Maybe we'll get some snow in Asheville for Thanksgiving.
Photo: See I do have some hair-short, grey, and curly.

I'm Keen on You

Today's visit to the clinic was another in and out, speedy gonzalez visit. I thought it might be short and sweet because my counts were just beginning to come up on Saturday when I went to the clinic. I thought they would be even higher today which means that I didn't need to have a blood transfusion or platelets. And sure enough, the platelets were 50,000 today up from 42,000 on Saturday; the hemoglobin was 9.2, the same as Saturday; and my white blood cell count was up to 1.0 from 0.4. Oh excellent news! I saw the Nurse Practitioner too, who said that I am free to go to Asheville for the Thanksgiving holiday. She wants to check my counts again on Wednesday just to make sure everything is alright, and then it's off until Monday. Yippee!

If I could split myself multiple ways, I'd celebrate by spending Thanksgiving not only with my crew in Asheville, but also the great group of friends here who are doing a turkey, and my sister's house in Columbus Georgia where my Mom, Brian, and both sisters will be, and with my Dad, Lynn, and Mama in Charleston. I'd love to give thanks and celebrate with everyone who has supported me so much during these last 6 months. I am truly grateful to you all. Think of me when you eat sweet potato casserole or dessert, my favorite parts of the meal.

They had a big thanksgiving breakfast for us in the clinic this morning. Despite being a healthcare clinic, there were lots of yummy but not so good for you breakfast items like donuts, croissants, coffee cake, pound cake, sausage biscuits, ham biscuits, egg casseroles with ham or sausage, bagels, bacon, well you get the idea. It was very sweet of the nurses and other staff to make us such a spread. They also put together a bake sale downstairs to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. I met Karen P down there to visit a bit, and we each got a carrot cake. It's for a good cause and besides who can't use an extra dessert with Thanksgiving coming up.

Today's photo: Gracie letting me know she loves my Keen boots

No Stopping

We woke up to a light dusting of snow here. Very pretty. I took a photo of our house with the snow, but much of it had already melted in the front yard. Nice to get snow before Thanksgiving; it gets me in the mood for the holidays.

We spent quite a while at the clinic yesterday since my counts were all low. My hemoglobin was 7.9 so they gave me 2 units of packed red blood cells. My platelets were back down to 15,000 so they gave me one bag of platelets as well. My white cell count was down to 0.3, but I just have to wait on the bone marrow to recover for that to come around. That tanking up really helped with my fatigue. I did get to visit with my friend Gail, who works at the DCRI in the same building as the clinic. It was good to catch up, and she made the visit go by much more quickly. That is always nice when I'm there for 5 hours like yesterday.

After the clinic appt, my Mom and I went to Costco to load up on ingredients for some holiday baking. Mostly I needed pecans, dried fruit, eggs, etc. They sure do have alot of stuff, and we only came home with a little bit of stuff each. Well I'm set now for all the pecan pie and sweet potato-pecan casserole that we have to make over the next week.

Mom made fried shrimp from Brian's local catch for dinner last night. It sure was yummy. That is always my birthday dinner at the beach so it felt like my birthday again last night.

Oh yeah, I titled today's entry No Stopping because I was able to run my entire 3 mile loop without having to walk. I even did the route that has the biggest hill (not an Asheville hill, mind you). Anyway, that's progress and most certainly helped along by all the blood I got yesterday.
Photo: Mom cleaning the shrimp

One Week Until Thanksgiving

I am hoping that we will be free of the clinic long enough to go to Asheville for Thanksgiving day. We have a long tradition of hiking with our group there and then eating a big potluck dinner together at someone's house. Susan and Donna are hosting this year. If we end up being seen at the clinic and have to remain in the Triangle, our friends here are having a similar deal and have graciously invited us. No offense to our truly terrific friends here, who we'd love to see, but we are hoping to get to the mtns. We haven't been to Asheville in 3 weeks due to my chemo and treatments here in the clinic, but it would be nice to do ONE THING this year that we usually do. Before I get too ahead of myself, I am quick to remember that it is not on my time, as Susan says. Regardless of where we end up eating dinner, I'm making a sweet potato-pecan casserole and pecan pie, and we will enjoy being with everyone.

I am sitting in my Duke blue recliner waiting to get my labs back. I feel tired, so I bet I need a transfusion of blood and platelets. If so, we'll be here a while waiting for all of that blood and platelets to be cross checked and arrive from the hospital.

Today's workout was a row and push-ups before I came to the clinic. I felt tired but did it anyway. I won't know what to do with myself once my counts come back for good and keep climbing to normal and beyond.

Chicken BBQ

I ate my last sandwich with chicken bbq that my Mom brought from Bessinger's in Charleston. It sure was good with all of that mustardy bbq sauce. I had been craving some chicken bbq which makes me think my body must need the protein to recover from all the chemo I've had. Well, I'm giving it what it wants I guess.

We just got back from the Farmer's Market in Raleigh. I had never been and Mom has wanted to go there everytime she has been up to stay with me. There was quite a range of fresh goods still available what with all the NC mtn apples (we both bought big bags of the Pink Lady variety), collards and other greens, turnips, and more kinds of sweet potatoes than I've ever seen. She bought a big box of those too. After reading the Barbara Kingsolver book "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle," about her family's experience with growing or buying only local food, I'm feeling all virtuous about getting NC grown stuff. Believe me, after you read that book, you want to go to every farmer's market and buy whatever they have just to reward the farmers for staying in business and bringing the food right to you instead of of some big agri-business deal with shipping contracts from here to Calif or worse yet, Chile or New Zealand. I'd have to quit my job to grow as much food as they did during their year of eating locally, but fortunately, we have not 1 but 2 Farmer's Markets here in Hillsborough not to mention all of the local stuff available at Weaver St Market.

I did a run this morning though it was quite cold. I need to get used to this cold weather and toughen up. It's been a little hard without hair, and the chemo does make one colder natured too. I'll just have to dress in more layers than usual and wear alot of wool. It really helps. I have a little beanie cap that someone knitted and donated to the Bone Marrow clinic. It was made with a lightweight cotton yarn, and I use it to cover my head indoors when I feel a draft. That helps alot too.

Photo: Quig doesn't care much for the cold either and has now take up residence in the bed, all wrapped in covers to stay warm.

Short and Sweet

My Mom is here to drive me while my counts are low and Holly is off at her conference in San Antonio. We were in and out of the clinic like lightning today. They drew my labs, got the counts back to us, and had us seen by the new Nurse Practitioner to make sure I am doing well, all within an hour. My numbers continue to drop as expected: Hemoglobin 8.4, platelets 30,000, white cell count 0.4. But I didn't not need a blood or platelet transfusion today. So I'm off the hook again until Thursday at 9am.

We did stop at Weaver St Market on the way home to have a yum-yum. Mom bought herself a coffee and a cinnamon roll, and I chose the pecan bar. They were really yummy, I have to say.

Photo: Billie cooking veggie pie in my kitchen this w-e

Walking Pieces

Over the w-e, I had the pleasure of visiting with my friend Billie who was with me Saturday and Sunday. Then just minutes after Billie left, my Mom pulled into town. Isn't it nice to be loved and cared for by friends and family? Both of them came bearing food too. Billie brought some yummy oatmeal raisin cookies her Mom had baked, and she cooked her special veggie pie with cabbage, carrot, onion, potato and cottage cheese. Fortunately, I was able to share the shrimp mole I had made with her, and she liked that. Mom unloaded a carfull with fresh shrimp caught by her husband Brian and Bessinger's bbq (pulled chicken that has been smoked and then cooked in SC bbq sauce which is mustard based. Don't knock it until you've tried it-none of this Lexington vs Eastern NC bbq style for me. It's SC mustard style that I appreciate most).

But I digress... Billie and I took a great hike along a new area for me-the Little River Regional Park which is North along Guess Rd, the Little River, and the Orange Co line. That place is a gem with really nice trails that criss cross and go along the banks of the river. There are also separate mtn biking trails, but we stuck to the hiking trails which are nicely marked with green numerical signs (the biking trails have blue markers). I'd like to take Holly out there and do some trail running. It seems perfect for that.

Sunday we went to the clinic and sure enough I needed platelets again with my count down to 12, 000. My red cell/hemoglobin level was 9.2 (no blood transfusion needed) with a white blood cell count of 0.4 (very low). So my bone marrow is at its low point now, and I have to be careful. Don't do anything wild and dangerous as my Mom says. Funny, with a white cell count of 0.4, wild and dangerous is eating food that could have bacteria or being around people who might make me sick. No worries, I'm careful.

Saturday was my first day of running since well, the last cycle of chemo. It wasn't pretty. I had to walk quite a bit after the first 1 1/2 miles. After I got tired and out of breath, the best I could do was to walk a bit and run a bit. It's pretty hard getting out of shape each cycle and having to start over again. I can see why all those co-workers and patients balk at exercising when I try to get them moving. If you're out of shape, exercise is hard. It doesn't feel exactly good. Of course, I have the advantage of getting back into shape easier and quicker than most people because I've been doing this for more than 30 yrs now. Today I did a "run" again, and it was much the same. Walking pieces and running pieces. Oh well, it will come along, and it will feel good again eventually. At least I can still do 50 push-ups if I do them in batches. Not everyone can say that.

Photo: Billie and me from this w-e at the clinic

Not Susan's Weekend for Canoeing the Pond

My friends Susan and Donna W had planned to head east from Asheville to do a trip canoeing on Merchants Mill Pond. These guys are hardy and have been known to canoe the Congaree Swamp over Thanksgiving when it is only 22 degrees. However, the rain over the state when they were supposed to leave, changed their minds. I got a voice mail message from Susan yesterday saying that she and Donna had conferred and decided that they didn't want to be wet and cold all w-e. Being a fair weather camper myself, I would have made the same decision. I was looking forward to Susan and Donna's trip because I haven't seen them in quite a while. Susan works at the hospital every 3rd w-e and had been to Folly Beach the last time we were in Asheville. So it's been a while since we've been able to connect in person. She sent me an email about how she had not even unpacked her stuff because she was disappointed about not being able to head out with her original plans. It got me thinking about her "found" w-e that now holds promise for whatever else she might want to do with the time. And it got me thinking about how the next few days were to be a little mini vacation for Holly and me in San Antonio while she has her veterinary pathology conference there. We had planned for me to go with her, taking advantage of her hotel suite right on the Riverwalk for 5 days. If you'd asked me a year ago what I'd be doing now, I'd have told you that we'd be at that conference together. Never in my wildest imagination would I have guessed that I'd be here getting treatment for leukemia while she heads to Texas. That's one of those zingers life throws you. I get to visit with my pal Billie as part of my "found" time, and I'll get to see my Mom again after a couple of months absence due to her overseas cruise. As Randy Pausch said in his last lecture (recorded on Youtube if you want to see it), you can't change the cards you are dealt, only the way you play them. I'd love to be in San Antonio with Holly for her conference, and I'd love for Susan to be canoeing Merchant Mills Pond. But we are both going to have some other fun instead.

I don't go back to the clinic until Sunday morning at 10am. Billie is coming tonight for the w-e and going to the clinic with me on Sunday morning. She is heavy into fundraising season at her Hospice job, getting ready for the Tree of Lights event. I'm glad I can provide some relief from all the overtime work she is doing right now.
Photo: In Susan's honor, another Pond photo from when we stopped there in October

Starting to Recoup Some Energy

Though I haven't rebounded in leaps and bounds yet, I am starting to emerge from the last chemo and its fatigue effect. I am not jumping up and down or zipping around yet, but I am starting to have a bit more energy. I am still sleeping 9 or 10 hours at night, but I haven't had a nap since Monday. And yesterday I was able to do a slightly longer walk in the afternoon in addition to my rowing workout. I didn't get the chance to workout before coming here to the clinic today because I overslept by 40 mins. Usually I have time to sip some tea while watching the birds and then to do a workout before heading to the clinic. I'll do my workout when I get home this morning. I don't expect my counts to fall so fast that I need anything today. It's usually the w-e before I need blood or platelets. But you just never know...

Still sitting in my Duke blue recliner waiting for my counts to come back. It was crazy in here Tuesday with people all over the place, and 6 folks getting hooked up to the stem cell machines. It is lots more sane in here today with many empty chairs. Calmer by far. I like that.

Staying Digital

One of the cool things about the blog is that it archives everything I've written since I started this in June. I had planned to make a keepsake book of my entries with the Blurb software that my friend Marty showed us. I thought it would make a nice record for Holly and me, sort of a "where we've been" look back at all we encountered together. I was noodling around on the Blurb website today, looking at the video on how to do this (they call it "slurping" which is the process of turning an online blog into a paper and print book; clever name, huh?). Anyway, due to changes in the Blogger software I use, Blurb cannot turn my archive into a book. They no longer support the Blogger software, although they apparently still support some other blog programs. I'm disappointed that I won't be able to turn this into a book easily. I do know several very tech savvy folks who may be able to help me pull it off (Angela, Marty and Alex come immediately to mind). I've already tried my usual trick which is to Google how to do it. But unfortunately, the word on the street is that Blogger made changes to their code that Blurb is not able or prepared to support. And that comment was posted only 2 days ago on Google. Darn. I'll be staying digital for now I guess.

Not a whole lot to report on the health front, which is good. I wanted to run this morning, but I felt a little weak and dizzy still from the last chemo. I did a row instead and took a longer walk than usual through town when Shelly, our housecleaner, came by. I like to stay out of her way while she cleans, and it's a good excuse to get out of the house for a while. She is a real sweetie and saves us from all that extra work.

I do head back to the clinic tomorrow though I don't expect to need anything nor to be there long. I don't usually need any blood or platelets until the w-e after my chemo ends. Billie is coming to visit this w-e so I hope we don't have to spend too long in the clinic waiting around. Then Sunday my Mom comes back to make sure I'm okay while Holly goes to San Antonio for a conference.
Photo: My hospital room from last week; ah it's good to be home!

Thank a Veteran

I had a short but sweet visit to the clinic this morning because my counts are fine, and I didn't need any blood or platelets. Of course, my numbers are on their way down. I thought I would need a blood transfusion because I am pretty tired from my chemo last week. I did a perfectly fine workout this morning, but I was really draggy yesterday. I took a nap in the afternoon while Gracie, our girlkitty, jumped up and down on me to try to get me to get up and feed her early. I usually wait until 4pm to feed the cats, though they try to get me to do it much earlier. It's our little game. I nap on the couch, and she jumps from the back of the couch onto me and then onto the floor. Subtle, real subtle.

Since it's Veteran's Day, I'm going to take a walk after lunch and see if the library is open. I have a few books I'd like to put on reserve if they aren't closed today. I'll celebrate being free too by walking around town and thinking about all of the people I know who've served in the Armed Forces. Thanks to them, I got to vote last week and help elect a historic candidate.

Oh, This Again

By now I am used to feeling pretty crappy after I finish my chemo round and leave the hospital. Today is no different although it feels good to know that I don't have to get better only to go back into the hospital to feel bad again. I never managed to get out for a walk or workout yesterday; I just felt too queasy and tired. I'm ashamed to admit that the only constructive things I accomplished yesterday were reading the NY Times, folding the laundry, and unloading the dishwasher. I had all good intentions of getting out for a short walk, at least, but my stomach just wasn't cooperating. I'm already ahead today as I've just finished my row and push-ups for the morning. I have a few errands to do at the Post Office, the library, and Weaver St Market, so I'll be going out soon to do those and amble through town. It looks nice out, and it has warmed up some from this morning.

It's going to be a low key day here. I'll probably finish the last of the books Marty and Deb loaned me. While I was in the hospital, I did finally read "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon who recently died of pancreatic cancer. After he was diagnosed with cancer, he gave a last lecture at the school about life lessons and turned it into a book for his 3 young children. The book is not depressing despite the fact that he talks about his cancer and how that has changed his life. It has plenty of good insight for us all, not just his kids. I checked it out of the library, of course, one of my favorite places.

Photo: a view of Beaver Lake in Asheville

The Day After the Last Chemo

Holly took pictures of the last bag of chemo, that infused from 8p-10p last night. Holly also took a few photos of me in my hospital room, while I was waiting for the last chemo to begin, waiting to walk out of the hospital into the cool night, and waiting to face the next phase of "after cancer." That will be close follow up first for my blood counts while they plummet from the drugs and then rebound as the bone marrow rejuvenates itself. My long term follow up will involve frequent blood tests to monitor my blood counts as well as bone marrow biopsies every 3 mos to check for rogue leukemia cells, if they try to come back. I know from the breast cancer treatment 2 years ago, that the mindset for this next part is different. You have to learn to live with uncertainty. You have to go on and live as if nothing has happened or else you just get bogged down in worry, dread, and fear. I found that I was pretty good at putting my diagnosis and treatment behind me; I don't expect this time to be any different. Going back to work & feeling healthy again help alot to normalize things and allow me to think about the future the same way everyone else does-you know with just enough denial to forget about the fact that we are all going to die someday. That's the thing about having a life threatening illness; you can't forget, you can't deny, you can't pretend-it's in your face pretty often. I didn't dwell on it much, and I certainly maintained and maintain lots of hope for the future. But really, none of us knows what is in store for us, how long we have to live. Having cancer is a big arrow pointing toward that even if you'd rather not go there.

I had some visitors to my room yesterday while I was waiting for my last chemo. Jennifer, the nurse who works with me at my clinic, and Brandy, her daughter came by. Brandy is in her early 20's and was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma about 7 months ago. She finished 6 mos of standard chemo treatment for her type of lymphoma but has failed the regimen. Her most recent PET scan showed a lung nodule which turned out to be more Hodgkin's cancer cells. She is now going to need a bone marrow transplant so that they can use even stronger chemo drugs to get her into remission. She seemed upbeat and rugged despite the news and being in the hospital herself for chemo. As hard as this is for me, I can only guess how difficult it must be for someone so young. Cancer never is fair, by the way. I know the docs in the bone marrow transplant unit will take great care of her, and she'll do well with her attitude. But you wouldn't wish that tough, tough course on anyone, especially after she's already done 6 months of chemo.

The other visitor was my old friend Susan from undergrad. She was at Duke to give a talk about the FDA's position on new biologic molecules that are being invented to treat cancer, MS, rheumatoid arthritis, etc. Most of these drugs are high tech designer antibodies, and currently there is no avenue for approval of generic versions of these medicines. Susan has a PhD in immunology, and her job at the FDA involves inspecting and approving these new types of drugs for human use. Big job, important job, tough job. But she is a tenacious, outspoken, and confident woman, always has been, and she is just the person I want going toe to toe with the drug companies to make a safe and effective medicine. She still has family here in Durham as her parents live in the Duke Forest neighborhood. I am sure it is a thrill for her parents to have her down to give a talk, not just because they are proud of her and her accomplishments, but also because she brought her 5 yo twin boys with her (she is also a twin by the way). I have to say it was like a time warp seeing her-she looks the same, barely any older, and seems much the same temperament wise. We hadn't seen each other since she lived here to do her MPH in toxicology at UNC, and I think that was the early 1990's.

My stomach today is a little icky as it always is after my chemo day. I am also a little dizzy if I stand up too fast, but they gave me blood before I left the hospital and that is helping me to feel a bit more energetic than I might otherwise. I plan to take a walk later while Holly goes off to bicycle with Amy and Sandy. I'll try to eat what I can, though I don't have much of an appetite with this queasiness. I don't head back to clinic until Tuesday morning to get my counts checked; I'm planning on an easy week.

The Last, Last Day

I am very excited that today is the last day of my 4th treatment and hence ends the whole shebang. I have had a rough time with my stomach this cycle with lots more queasiness and sometime nausea. I chalk it up to the accumulated effects of getting high dose chemo, twice a day, for so many cycles. If you count the original 7 days that I got the other chemo regimen, I have had 25 slugs of mean drug. Since I've been on the consolidation rounds 1-4 that are ending today, I've had 24 treatments barely separated by 3-4 weeks. That is precious little time for my stomach lining to heel much less everything else. But I wanted to push on as fast as they would let me go, so that my bone marrow could rebuild over the holidays and so that I can return to work in January.

Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite holiday, and I want to be as well as possible then. I love our tradition of joining friends for a hike in the day and having a big potluck dinner with Turkey & all the fixings in the early evening. It is my idea of the perfect holiday-a hike, hanging out with friends, good food, good pies, and fellowship. I do hope that we get to go to Asheville to celebrate it with our friends there. We haven't been able to see much of them since June when I was diagnosed with this leukemia. It would go a long way in making me feel like my life was normalizing again.

I never guessed that it would take this much time & effort to treat the leukemia, and I certainly didn't anticipate being out of work for 7 months. There are some days, looking back, when I was probably strong enough and clear headed enough to work at my clinic, but then a day or two later, I'd go back into the hospital for the next round of chemo. I have learned to be patient with all of that and just accept that I'd get back to a normal life in due time.

My hair has started to come in a bit thicker and a bit darker, but it is still more like fur than hair. It reminds me of baby bird hair. I still have lots of scalp visible, and the hair I do have is a curly mess. I'll give it some time after this last treatment to declare itself. If I don't like the odd mix of colors and lengths a month from now, I'll get it cut to even it out and start fresh without all of that chemo changing the hair follicles. I'd like to have my thick brown MaMa hair back. Then all will be recovering as expected.

I do have more work to do to get over this leukemia and especially to rebound from the low counts I will have for the next several weeks. But I do want to thank each and every person who has sent me good energy, or prayed for me, or drove me around, or stopped by with dinner, or brought me books to read in all of my downtime, or wrote fun & funny messages to me on the blog, or stayed with me when I needed company & help. I could not have done this without all of you. I owe you all a big debt of gratitude. I am so lucky to have many, many great friends, co-workers, and family members who stepped up to help me through this difficult period. I hope that I never have to do it again, but I know how terrific my support system is.

When I get out of the hospital this time, I'll set up some goals for myself before returning to work. I need to clear my mind and get rid of this chemo brain that is making my thinking fuzzy. I want to review my spanish which I haven't used much in the last 7 months. And I'd like to get my stamina back up to long runs that don't leave me on the couch recuperating all day. I have some medical knowledge I need to brush up on too before I start seeing patients again. And we want to take a trip to N. Calif to visit our pals Peggy and Naomi. Seven months is a long time not to be able to travel far from the hospital or clinic. We need to remedy that, to celebrate arriving at the end of this long journey.

Photo: more yellow leaves on my favorite ridge, Sunset Mtn (where I do my 10 miler race in May or June)

My hopes for the next 2 months are to get better, stronger, rebound my blood counts and immune system to the point of being able to work again. I look forward to getting rid of my chemo brain, the confusion or forgetfulness that comes with taking all of these high dose toxic medicines. And I can't wait to get rid of my chemo tummy, which is far worse this time than the last few cycles. I want to get my body and mind back up to speed so that I can handle a full day of work and working out.

Holly's Addendum:

I wanted to also extend my deepest gratitude to everyone who provided such wonderful support.

Thank you to all our family members for the many calls, the consolation, the visits, cards, meals, gifts, and sustaining love. (Quigley, Gracie and Henry also thank you for the generous helpings of pets, pet food and treats!). An added bonus for me has been to get to spend more time with Teresa's family; it's been a real treat for me. Thank you to all our friends and colleagues who've been there with well wishes, dinners, rides, visits, encouragement, and to listen. Thank you to all the wonderful health professionals at Duke, UNC, and Piedmont for their care and advice. The caregivers and staff at the Adult Bone Marrow Transplant Unit and 9th floor are truly the best, truly exceptional.

We have had the support of dear, wonderful people near--and farther than we could imagine! It's meant so much to have you in our lives and I've been touched by your support beyond words. I will walk out of Duke later tonight with Teresa into the balmy November evening knowing how blessed we've been, how very fortunate to have you all share this journey and to have had your help to get us through it. Love-Holly

A Bright & Glorious Day Out There

Looking out my hospital window, it appears to be another pretty day. The trees off in the far distance sure are magnificent. I've had a good night as they bunched my blood pressure checks and lab draws and weight checks so that they wouldn't be waking me up every couple of hours. It makes a difference, especially between 12 midnight and 8am. I am waiting on Holly to arrive and say hello before she takes off for work, and I'm waiting for the team to round on me, giving me the okay to go home with a Daypass again. My friend Sandy who works in IT here at Duke has graciously offered to drive me home when/if they spring me. Her office is just across the street, and I could even wave to her from my window.

Some of my counts have begun to fall mildly with my hemoglobin down to 8.4 today. If it drops to 8.0 or below, they will give me a blood transfusion tomorrow. I hope they will just go ahead and do it, since the first week after chemo is tiring enough as it is. Having a little extra umphf from blood would help.

Not much else to report today. Just trying to keep it all quiet and easy.

Photo: Trees in the mtns on my favorite ridge, Sunset Mtn

Another Day for Chemo

I just woke up and I'm waiting for Holly to arrive for her morning visit. My stomach is feeling a little icky from the chemo on Tuesday, but I'll get 2 more doses today and be well on my way to done with this cycle. Tuesday when I got it, I just slept to pass the time. Yesterday I got to go home on a daypass and I walked around Hillsborough then took a nap in the afternoon. I have been more tired this cycle with all of this chemo catching up with me. But tomorrow I'll likely get another daypass and then Saturday I'm done after my 2 doses. That will feel good.

It looks like a gorgeous day out, clear sunny, and warm. Maybe I'll be able to take a walk outside between chemo doses.

Photo: The view of downtown Asheville from our backyard. Soon all the leaves will be off the trees and you'll really be able to see the pretty skyline.

Obama

Holly and I stayed up to watch the election results last night. We had big wins for our candidates in NC, but the national election is still too close to call for Obama or McCain. We did elect a democrat governor, senator, lt governor and maybe even Obama. I haven't looked yet to see if my progressive candidates won for Asheville too-some big zoning and planning issues coming up for Asheville with all the new growth to the area.

I got my first 2 doses of chemo yesterday as promised. I took all the anti-nausea meds they would give me, including the ativan. They made me sleepy in the day and it was grey and drizzly here so I napped in the afternoon. Why not? What a better way to pass the time while getting chemo.

My counts looked good yesterday-everything all worked back up to normal except the hemoglobin at 9.5. That one is always the last to hit normal, but it doesn't keep them from re-starting the chemo of course. It will be dropping within the next couple of days anyway.

I've already done my workout on the stepper here, and I'm waiting for Holly to arrive for her morning visit. If I get a Daypass like I should, she'll take me home or I'll call my friend Sandy, who works just across the street, to run me home. My stomach is a little queasy this morning after the chemo, but otherwise I feel pretty normal.

Election Day

I voted early, but I hope that all of you take the chance to vote if you haven't yet.

I just finished checking into my new room in the hospital. They gave me a different room this time; I am in room #9213 (phone 919-681-9213). My window looks out over the VA hospital and the woods off in the far distance. The leaves are changing here too so the view is quite pleasant. I am sitting in the recliner in my hospital room (not Duke blue, more of a heather green) writing while I look out the window at the drizzling rain and the far off leaves. The view will be terrific when it stops raining and the sky clears.

The doctor team has already come to round on me, and the orders for my chemo have been placed with the pharmacy. I'll be starting my first dose of chemo at 12 noon, lasting 2 hours as usual. No wrinkles, less nausea, that's my hope for this cycle. They say the treadmill is broken (again) but have called someone to come fix it. I did a nice long row this morning before I came in since it was raining. Holly shared her coffee with me from the cafe downstairs since my stomach won't be able to handle it for another 4 weeks after today. Soon it will taste bad again and upset my stomach. Tea is so nice; it tastes good and is milder for my tummy.

I'd love to write all kinds of profound things about this being the last round of chemo. I'd wax on about what it means to me and how I am hopeful for the future. But honestly, the biggest thing I feel is relief-to be finishing a long, tough course of treatment. I hope that I never have to do this again. I hope this is the end of cancer for me. I hope that Holly and I can get on with our lives and only have to worry about the occasional bone marrow biopsy. We've been through alot, not that we don't have the strength to handle more if that is necessary. But we have done enough, and I'd like us to have a break.

I saw my doctor in the clinic yesterday, and he said that for the next year, I will need to have a bone marrow biopsy every 3 months. There is no other way to look for the leukemia since it starts with the white blood cells in the bone marrow. If I did have a relapse, they would give me some chemo again to put me in remission and then do a bone marrow transplant. Neither my doctor nor I want that, obviously. I want to be in the 75% of people cured by all of this tough stuff I've been doing since June.
Photo: Blue Ridge Parkway

Beautiful Fall Leaves

The photos won't do it justice, but the leaves were at peak this past w-e. The two big tulip poplar trees in our front yard were covered with big yellow leaves, and my neighbor's oak trees were as well. The colors had really brightened in the last week to include lots more yellow, orange, and bright red. I did get the chance to drive on the Blue Ridge Parkway, and the trees there were just gorgeous. The weather was also very mild and sunny with high temperatures in the 70's.

I had a very good w-e before starting chemo again tomorrow. Billie and I met up at the French Broad Brewery to hear our favorite band, Brushfire Stankgrass. They play a mix of bluegrass/newgrass/ and jam band tunes a la the Grateful Dead. They have a lot of fun playing together and even came in costumes this time. Lots of the crowd showed up in costumes too since it was Halloween. Billie and I made it over to the Asheville Pizza Co for dinner and had, you guessed it, pizza. Yummm.

Saturday I did a nice run up the hill behind the house and on to Beaver lake. The birders were out at the Audabon park stalking the herons and ducks. A few of them had spotting scopes and cameras with big long lenses. Must have been some special birds in the park this w-e. I don't know what they were though. I saw some small birds flitting in and out of the brush on the banks, but they were too quick for me. As usual, I did get to see some woodpeckers in the high trees. I always like when I can see the woodpeckers. They are my special bird. The hobby group that sails those small remote controlled sailboats were on the lake too. I tried to get a good photo of them (see above) but it was a little far for my lens.

Several of us met up at a mexican place Saturday night for Jan's birthday. I got to see Ellen's new Fuji finepix camera. It has some kind of big lens on it, a wide angle zoom I think. Needless to say, it takes very sharp pictures. She and Jan had been out hiking and had some photos from the Bent Creek area, including a precious little nest that they moved all over the place and photographed. I'll never forget the year Jan turned 50, and we all met up at the Jerusalem Garden restaurant wearing our "I survived Jan's 50th birthday" T shirts. Seemed that Jan and everyone else started to have musculoskeletal injuries or falls or surgeries that year. Fortunately our gang will still get to celebrate a few more 50 year old birthdays since Holly, Ellen and I are still in our forties.

Donna Z invited me over on Sunday for some coffee and banana bread. She starts her new job at Highland Farms nursing home today; I know that she is happy and relieved to be working again after 4 months out of work. Her big news is that her Mom just got engaged to Al. They are to be married Feb 14th. Her Dad has been dead 8 years now. Glad that her Mom can be happy with someone again especially at her 78 to his 82.

Well I'll see my doctor later today to say hello and let him do the paperwork to get me admitted tomorrow. Then it's into the hospital tomorrow morning for the 4th and final round of this high dose chemo. My supervisor from work emailed me last week to check on the timing of my return to Piedmont Health Services. They are implementing a new Electronic Medical Record in mid January so it should all work out perfectly. Glad they still have room for me back in my old clinic. You just never do know after 7 months and all that has happened in this economy.

Photo: Beaver Lake with the little sailboats