The Last, Last Day

I am very excited that today is the last day of my 4th treatment and hence ends the whole shebang. I have had a rough time with my stomach this cycle with lots more queasiness and sometime nausea. I chalk it up to the accumulated effects of getting high dose chemo, twice a day, for so many cycles. If you count the original 7 days that I got the other chemo regimen, I have had 25 slugs of mean drug. Since I've been on the consolidation rounds 1-4 that are ending today, I've had 24 treatments barely separated by 3-4 weeks. That is precious little time for my stomach lining to heel much less everything else. But I wanted to push on as fast as they would let me go, so that my bone marrow could rebuild over the holidays and so that I can return to work in January.

Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite holiday, and I want to be as well as possible then. I love our tradition of joining friends for a hike in the day and having a big potluck dinner with Turkey & all the fixings in the early evening. It is my idea of the perfect holiday-a hike, hanging out with friends, good food, good pies, and fellowship. I do hope that we get to go to Asheville to celebrate it with our friends there. We haven't been able to see much of them since June when I was diagnosed with this leukemia. It would go a long way in making me feel like my life was normalizing again.

I never guessed that it would take this much time & effort to treat the leukemia, and I certainly didn't anticipate being out of work for 7 months. There are some days, looking back, when I was probably strong enough and clear headed enough to work at my clinic, but then a day or two later, I'd go back into the hospital for the next round of chemo. I have learned to be patient with all of that and just accept that I'd get back to a normal life in due time.

My hair has started to come in a bit thicker and a bit darker, but it is still more like fur than hair. It reminds me of baby bird hair. I still have lots of scalp visible, and the hair I do have is a curly mess. I'll give it some time after this last treatment to declare itself. If I don't like the odd mix of colors and lengths a month from now, I'll get it cut to even it out and start fresh without all of that chemo changing the hair follicles. I'd like to have my thick brown MaMa hair back. Then all will be recovering as expected.

I do have more work to do to get over this leukemia and especially to rebound from the low counts I will have for the next several weeks. But I do want to thank each and every person who has sent me good energy, or prayed for me, or drove me around, or stopped by with dinner, or brought me books to read in all of my downtime, or wrote fun & funny messages to me on the blog, or stayed with me when I needed company & help. I could not have done this without all of you. I owe you all a big debt of gratitude. I am so lucky to have many, many great friends, co-workers, and family members who stepped up to help me through this difficult period. I hope that I never have to do it again, but I know how terrific my support system is.

When I get out of the hospital this time, I'll set up some goals for myself before returning to work. I need to clear my mind and get rid of this chemo brain that is making my thinking fuzzy. I want to review my spanish which I haven't used much in the last 7 months. And I'd like to get my stamina back up to long runs that don't leave me on the couch recuperating all day. I have some medical knowledge I need to brush up on too before I start seeing patients again. And we want to take a trip to N. Calif to visit our pals Peggy and Naomi. Seven months is a long time not to be able to travel far from the hospital or clinic. We need to remedy that, to celebrate arriving at the end of this long journey.

Photo: more yellow leaves on my favorite ridge, Sunset Mtn (where I do my 10 miler race in May or June)

My hopes for the next 2 months are to get better, stronger, rebound my blood counts and immune system to the point of being able to work again. I look forward to getting rid of my chemo brain, the confusion or forgetfulness that comes with taking all of these high dose toxic medicines. And I can't wait to get rid of my chemo tummy, which is far worse this time than the last few cycles. I want to get my body and mind back up to speed so that I can handle a full day of work and working out.

Holly's Addendum:

I wanted to also extend my deepest gratitude to everyone who provided such wonderful support.

Thank you to all our family members for the many calls, the consolation, the visits, cards, meals, gifts, and sustaining love. (Quigley, Gracie and Henry also thank you for the generous helpings of pets, pet food and treats!). An added bonus for me has been to get to spend more time with Teresa's family; it's been a real treat for me. Thank you to all our friends and colleagues who've been there with well wishes, dinners, rides, visits, encouragement, and to listen. Thank you to all the wonderful health professionals at Duke, UNC, and Piedmont for their care and advice. The caregivers and staff at the Adult Bone Marrow Transplant Unit and 9th floor are truly the best, truly exceptional.

We have had the support of dear, wonderful people near--and farther than we could imagine! It's meant so much to have you in our lives and I've been touched by your support beyond words. I will walk out of Duke later tonight with Teresa into the balmy November evening knowing how blessed we've been, how very fortunate to have you all share this journey and to have had your help to get us through it. Love-Holly