Things That Matter

I had my second day of antibiotics yesterday for the fever I developed on thursday. No wrinkles, smooth as glass, just took a while for us to get in to the clinic, get all three abx, my platelets, and a bag of fluid. But I started feeling better about half-way in there so yesterday turned out to be a good day.I was even able to eat a real dinner with chicken, peas, gumbo soup (my fave), and peaches.

After dinner, we watched the movie "Sliding Doors" with Gwynnth Paltrow where she misses the subway and hence does not catch her boyfriend having an affair with his ex-girlfriend, and in another version she makes the subway and does catch him. The movie shows lots of little takes on how small things, esp timing, can make all the difference in the world. It was done in 1999, but I really liked it. I usually enjoy those movies with the whole time traveler thing-you know the Bostonians, the Lake house, etc. I can't wait for them to make that excellent book, "The Time Traveler's Wife" into a movie. Maybe that got derailed since I haven't heard anything more about it. In my version, Tom Hanks plays the guy who keeps getting bumped up and back in time. And yes, Gwynnth Paltrow is my choice for the woman. The daughter would be played by Dakota Fanning.

For the first time in I don't know how long, I slept all the way through the night (some of you would question that statement since I am up at 5:37a on a Saturday writing this, but that used to be my normal wake up time so it isn't odd for me). The first thing I thought of was how much better I felt already than the day before, and certainly than the day before that. Thursday when I had fever and chills, I was so weak and out of it. I'd never felt that bad (and you know I have chemo to compare to). One thing I realize in all of this is that as you go down and feel bad, you think this is the worst you ever have or could feel and then another day proves you wrong. No that day is the worst you've ever felt, etc., etc., etc. But then when you start coming back to normal, those same kinds of days are better than what you experienced yesterday, they are an improvement even though you're weak. So you see it really is relative. What would have been a bad day gets turned into a good day because there is less suffering than the one you just experienced. I call that the cancer gift. The ability to recognize that suffering is a part of life but not to get too tangled up in it.

When I woke up this morning, I was thinking about this concept, and about all the things I am thankful for. It is a long list, of course, and I won't bore anyone with it here. But I do think it helps to take stock from time to time of the things that matter. I do want to share that list, see below.

Teresa's List of Things That Matter Most (a partial list I am sure)

friends, family, lovers

pets

a good job with supportive co-workers

books

time for conversation

birds at birdfeeders

a beautiful garden that you, your neighbors and the birds/butterflies can enjoy

generosity

smiles

time to be alone to figure out what you think and who you are
time to be with others to show them who you are and share who they are

mean something to the community where you live

handwritten letters of thank you or general news

humor (I have Quigley the miniature Dachshund expressly for this purpose)

tell people how important they are to you and how much you love them

hugs

our society is going so fast; do what you can to slow down to a more natural pace at least once each week

travel-to see other places, experience other cultures, and realize there are many different "right" ways to do things

be quick to experience delight and slow to experience anger

treat your body well since it's the one that has to last your whole lifetime-if that means massages and manicures to you, so be it

love things so that your capacity for love just gets bigger and bigger; when you die, you can take all that love with you (I don't have that one on authority, but I am pretty sure it's true)


Okay, enough serious stuff for an early Saturday morning. I need to go enjoy some coffee time with my gf while I watch the birds at the feeder hovering over the butterfly bushes and purple coneflowers. See, it's already a great day! -tree