MY Dad

My father and his wife Lynn are visiting for the week from SC. My Dad is a great cook so he arrived with his entourage of cooking utensils, capuchino machine ( I am not kidding), special ingredients from Charleston, and a very large cooler full of food. Last night we had one of his signature "low key" meals which consisted of flounder filets sauteed in butter and lemon, fresh green beans pan fried with carmelized onions, and carrot souffle. Everything was delicious, and it was helpful to see him prepare the meal from scratch so that I'll know how to do it in the future. I like to cook too, but I am no where near the cook that either of my parents are. I always attribute that to lack of time but honestly, I think they are both more inspired in the kitchen than I am. Anyway, I ate more at dinner last night than I have eaten in a good two to three weeks. I had 2 pieces of fish, 2 helpings of carrot souffle, and 2 helpings of green beans. I was stuffed, but a happy stuffed.

One of the cancer gifts as I call them is the chance to rework relationships because all of the sudden there is more to lose. The last time I had cancer (2 years ago when I had breast cancer), I realized that I got much closer to everyone in my family. But it really had an impact on my relationship with my father. We had been very close when I was a kid. I loved to follow him around while he tuned up old lawnmowers or worked on the family car. Even as a teenager, I enjoyed his conversation, and we often talked about what he was learning in his chemistry college courses (both of my parents went to college as "adult students"). But when my parents divorced, I cut off all contact with my Dad for a good five years or more. I was disappointed in some of his actions, and I couldn't forgive him. Eventually, of course, I realized that my anger was only hurting me. I was missing the chance to be in his life and he mine; I was missing the relationship I'd had with his mother, my MaMa. So we began seeing each other for holidays and visits from time to time. We have never regained the closeness we had when I was a child, but we have become lots closer.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, he really made an effort to be supportive for me. I had chemotherapy every other Friday so he would call every other thursday to wish me luck with the upcoming treatment. Then he would call during the w-e to see how I was doing. Once he drove up to Asheville for the day (from Charleston) just to see how I was doing and take me out to eat. He connected me to one of his friends, a 55 year woman who had just completed her breast cancer treatment at Duke. In short, he really made an effort to stay connected and help out.

This time has been no different. He and Lynn have had two big trips scheduled for the summer- a river boat cruise in Russia, which they just completed, and an adventure trip coming up in July to Costa Rica, After I called to tell my Dad about my leukemia diagnosis, he made immediate plans to drive to Asheville on his way to Atlanta where they were flying out for Russia. We didn't get to see each other for long, but we did have brunch together and spent the afternoon visiting.

So in my mind, I have cancer to thank for improving my relationship with my Dad. Regardless, I'll take it. I'll probably get a few good recipes out of it too!